


Dead Star

by Pathrycja



Category: Muse (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Catharsis, Cold, Conspiracy, Conspiracy Theories, Genetic Engineering, M/M, Science, Science Experiments, Wolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:15:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21884341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pathrycja/pseuds/Pathrycja
Summary: "He was only wearing stolen lab coat. And his skin was pale as snow.His lips were blue... He looked like a porcelain doll."Dominic Howard is a scientist who has devoted his entire life to science. One morning after a sleepless night he is put to the test.
Relationships: Matt Bellamy/Dom Howard
Comments: 16
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had to take a break from writing Westworld, so I took part in this year's mini Snowpremacy.  
> One of the inspirations of this story were prompts, which I got from our lovely Stefanyeah; "wolves, conspiracy, frosted tree"
> 
> This story was supposed to be a short and cozy. But as always, it came out differently haha. In the end, my subconscious decided to take over the story and make it an emotional mess.  
> However, I still hope you'll enjoy it. Chapters will appear quickly, the next one will be tomorrow.  
> And of course let me know what you think.

I sat in my lab reviewing my recent notes. I still wasn't sure if I was going in the right direction with my research. Anyway, as always. But that's how it was when I was doing research that no one had ever done before. I could never be 100% sure of the results of my research and experiments.

Genetic engineering was something beautiful, it was the future. Genetic engineering solved the problems of humanity and the errors of the human body. It was a way to balance the world and the ecosystem.

However, not everyone saw this as a beauty. Most people considered it as a threat.

But as for me, I lost the fight against the ethicality of what I do a long time ago. So nothing limited me. My employer gave me unlimited resources. Of course, I didn't work alone. There were a lot of great scientists working with me.

Although it seemed to me that I have been sitting in this institution for too long. I haven't had a break in a long time. I almost forgot about the normal world. It was unhealthy.

But it still seemed to me that I was getting closer. Over and over and over again, I couldn't free myself from this circle.

I was slowly losing faith in my abilities. And I couldn't afford it. My work was important to the people who employed me. I wasn't even sure anymore why, but it was important and they still reminded me of it.

Maybe I should at least change the field of my research to a less crazy one. Do something less controversial. Certainly, there would be many willing to take my place…

I glanced at my wristwatch. Fuck. It was already morning. I sat here all night again. I looked out the window, it was getting brighter already. It was another bad habit of mine as if there were not enough of them.

Suddenly I heard an alarm at once. An unpleasant shiver went through me. I listened to the sound. It was not a threat of contamination or fire...

Someone has escaped.

I rubbed my tired eyes and left the laboratory. The corridors were completely empty. I went down quickly to the lobby. The alarm sounded even louder here.

In the lobby, I found one of the younger assistants, who sometimes worked for me. I ran to her. She looked completely scared.

I took her gently by the arm.

"What happened?" I asked as calmly as possible.

The girl opened her mouth but then she closed it again, she looked like she was about to cry.

"Who escaped?" I asked again.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry. I followed the protocol... They have already run after him, they need to found him." she said in a shaky voice.

"Who?" I said firmly.

"Our new object, for research, for a new experiment. The one they recently brought."

I sighed heavily.

"Object MB-077?"

"Yes, I'm soo sorry..." she cried.

But I didn't listen to her anymore. Her apologies are useless. I ran to the nearest storage depot, opened the door with my pass. Then I opened the stash with the weapon again with the pass. I clipped the holster with the weapon to my belt and grabbed the first better winter jacket. On the run, I zipped up my jacket.

I came back to the lobby the girl was still standing in the same place where I left her. She stared at the screen of her tablet.

I pulled it out of her hand.

"Where are they?" I asked dryly.

"They're in the woods, they still haven't found him."

I looked at the tablet and the red pulsing points coming out of our facility.

"If I were you, I'd do something and not stand still because they'll fire you," I said dispassionately.

She looked at me in horror but it didn't touch me, I left through the main entrance. It was cold outside. But I quickly stopped caring.

It wasn't my fault, but I felt full responsibility to find him. On the run, I pulled out my phone and turned on the application tracking all objects of this institution. I chose the object MB-077 and turned on navigation.

A moment later I was at the edge of the forest. Only now I noticed the space around me. The sun has not risen yet. Heavy fog still hung above the ground and mixed with snow. The conifers were completely covered with silvery frost. And everything was sinking in the blue air.

I shook my head and moved on. After several meters, I encountered one of the guards. He looked around constantly and kept the heavy weapon ready. At the sight of me, he lowered his weapon gently.

"Dr. Howard, I didn't expect you to appear so soon."

"I was in the lab when I heard the alarm. What is the situation?"

"We still haven't found him, he has removed his transmitter. Everyone has dispersed, we are searching the forest."

"Fuck."

"Don't worry, the situation is completely under control. He won't run away. In the worst case, he'll die of hypothermia or bleed out."

I swallowed nervously. For some time, the secrecy of our research had the highest priority. The rest was quite flexible…

But I felt a strong prick in my heart that prevented me from abandoning our new object to certain death.

"Well, we have to find him anyway. Which way should I go now?" I asked.

"You can follow in the footsteps. Snow is almost everywhere. But honestly, you can also come back, we can handle it." he shrugged.

"That’s fine since I'm here I can help," I answered, giving him a forced smile.

I sighed and followed the first footsteps I came across. When the guard disappeared from my field of view, I pulled the phone out again. I traced the route the object had taken before removing his transmitter. He was heading east. But I felt that he probably changed his direction completely afterward.

I looked at my watch, twenty minutes had passed since his escape. Nobody seemed to be in a hurry to find him.

Contrary to the advice I received, I went where there were no footsteps.

I felt completely out of reality. The whole night without sleep began to bother me. I thought I heard things I shouldn't hear, but in the end, I was in the woods.

After another ten minutes, I began to really stress, too much time passed. I checked the phone, still, nobody found him. I started running. I came across another guard but he also found nothing.

I had no hope.

I checked the transmitter's point once again and headed north. Something moved behind a small rock in front of me. I don't even know why I went there. And suddenly my eyes met the eyes of the real huge wolf. I stopped breathing. The animal stared into my eyes for a few seconds, I already wanted to reach for a gun but suddenly the wolf runs away. I was completely stunned.

I took a few deep breaths and then noticed something red on the rock. It was blood.

My heart rate increased. I started looking around nervously. I saw my footsteps. But are they really only mine?

I started to look behind the bushes and other rocks. I heard more wolves howling. I shivered.

I saw only white snow everywhere. I thought I went crazy, but I ran towards the howling wolves. Suddenly I tripped over a root. I landed on my stomach and hands. I looked up and then I saw him…

He lay unconscious on the icy white surface. He was only wearing a stolen lab coat. And his skin was pale as snow.

I got up quickly and ran to him. I automatically brushed his hair off his face. His lips were blue and his left arm was all smudged with frozen blood. He looked like a porcelain doll.

I took off my jacket automatically and threw it at him.

I quickly reached for my phone and dialed the number.

"I found him, I need help, I'm sending my location." I gave short information.

I checked the pulse on his neck. I could feel very poor blood flow, he was completely cold. He must get to the facility as quickly as possible.

I couldn't wait for the others. I wanted to wrap him in my jacket better, but it was pointless. I put the jacket back on and awkwardly picked him up from the snow, he was surprisingly light. I hugged him to let him get some warmth from me. His head fell on my neck and his coldness frightened me even more. I moved quickly towards the facility.

After a few minutes, I heard movement. Seven guards emerged from behind the trees aiming their weapons straight at me. I stopped for a moment, shocked.

But when they realized who I was, they quickly lowered their weapons and ran to me.

"We'll take him." someone shouted.

"Okay, but quickly, he's really frozen," I answered uptightly.

One of the men easily took him from me and trotted with the rest of the guards.

I breathed a sigh. Fuck I was exhausted.

"Are you all right, Doctor?"Asked the men who stayed with me.

"Yes, I'm fine, I'm just a little tired."

"Let's go back, it's over."

I nodded my agreement. However, I knew finding him didn't mean he would survive.

But I was really dazed and equally frozen.

We slowly returned to the facility. The sun had already risen.

I quickly returned the weapon to the depot along with the jacket. I went to the lobby, at this time, the main manager was already at the station.

I went to her desk. She was busy typing on the computer, so she didn't notice me until I cleared my throat.

"Oh, Dr. Howard. Hello. What a morning. What do you need?"

"Yes yes, what a morning. But honestly, I'm tired I sat in the lab all night and I want to go to sleep at last. I know that I have a few things to do in my schedule but I'll take care of everything later or tomorrow. Notify my assistant when he comes to work."

The woman noted my request and looked at me again. It was kind of funny because she looked exactly like Diane from Twin Peaks and her name was also Diane.

"All right, this can be sorted out. Anything else?" she asked kindly.

"Can you already give me some information about MB-077?"

She nodded and began typing again on the computer. After a moment she looked up again.

"For now, it has only been registered that he has arrived at the emergency department and Dr. Nicholls is looking after him.

There is no death information yet, but for now, I don't know anything more. The incident report will be at the earliest in the afternoon."

"Thank you, see you later."

Diane nodded and went back to work.

I headed towards the residential wing. Most employees were on their way to work. They gave me curious looks, but I ignored it.

Finally, I took the elevator to my apartment. I put my pass in the safe.

I untied my tie and took off my white shirt. I went to the living room and poured myself a whiskey in a glass. I went to the huge window and started drinking. Today the frost was not about to leave the trees. Everything was still shining like crystals. It was shining so bright, but everything seemed to be so dark anyway. Maybe because we were in a remote area. But did it matter? I don't usually pay attention to such things anyway, I rarely go outside. So whatever.

I put the empty glass on the coffee table and went to the bedroom. I took off the rest of my clothes and fell asleep immediately.

_I felt cold. I felt a piercing cold affecting every cell of my body. Everything was white again. I wandered in the woods and searched for something, but I couldn't find it. I heard the howling of wolves, but I didn't see them._

_I knew it was important, but I was powerless. I was looking for him, but this time I didn't find him. He was nowhere to be found no matter how hard I tried. I was all alone and although there were so many trees around me, I felt like I was standing on a blank sheet of paper. I was completely isolated. And without a purpose._ _And it haunted me like the howling of those wolves, which perhaps were not even real._


	2. II

The sound of my phone woke me up. I was completely confused, I felt like I was just going to bed and closing my eyes. But the clock said it was almost two in the afternoon.

Before I started checking the messages on my phone, I took a hot shower. Wrapped in a towel, I went to the kitchen and drank two glasses of water. I didn't feel like eating, but I forced myself to eat avocado sandwiches.

I thoughtlessly dressed black jeans and a powdery blue shirt, and a silk tie of the same color.

I was wondering if I would need my lab coat today, but I finally gave it up. I combed my hair, brushed my teeth, and sprayed myself with perfume.

I looked like a human again. But I still felt like a machine.

On the way to my assistant, I looked through the messages on my phone. The news about the report interested me the most. I opened the file Diane sent me. I superficially looked at these less interesting things and switched to what actually happened. Of course, MB-077 stole the pass from the young assistant. And because it was early morning, there was no one to stop him along the way. But still, there was no information as to why he wanted to escape.

I had a strange feeling that the junior assistant also had some bigger part in it, but officially she didn't confess anything else.

But more importantly, the report said that MB-077 survived. He was alive.

For a moment I felt relief. I found him.

I entered my laboratory, where my assistant was waiting for me. Together we went to my office. I sat behind the desk and rested my elbows on some papers. Papers that were waiting for me.

"We have to postpone everything," I said wearily.

"Of course, I'll take care of it," he answered eagerly.

"They'll be angry. Some idiot can't cope with her simple job, and then we get a reprimand from the board for delays." I complained.

My assistant just nodded. I rolled my eyes. I looked at all these papers and I felt sick. They can wait a bit longer. Normally we handle everything digitally. But for greater security, some are recorded traditionally.

"Just take care of everything, I don't know if I will work today. This day is one big mess." I said coldly.

"Of course, doctor."

I left the office and went to the emergency department. I found Dr. Nicholls and asked about the health of MB-077.

Despite the fact that he came to the ward in a critical condition, the Doctor assured me that his condition is fully stable, they quickly restored him to full vitality. They implanted a new transmitter in him and sewn the wounds.

He was really good at what he did. Although he was angry that they woke him up so early.

I said that I wanted to see him, Dr. Nicholls had no problem with it, he led me to the room where they kept him. I looked into the room through the glass window first.

It was a completely white room in the center stood only a hospital bed, and several devices next to it.

The object was strapped to the bed. He was conscious. He stared straight at the ceiling.

I thanked the Doctor for help and entered the room.

I stood in front of the bed, but MB-077 completely ignored me.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Dominic Howard, I was the person who found you," I said calmly.

But I didn't receive any reaction.

I sighed annoyed.

"You _belong_ to my research group, therefore your welfare is in my interest. This is why I am here. I have to ask you some questions." I explained uncertainly.

I was ignored again.

I came closer to him. I tried to look into his eyes, but they were completely empty. I sat on the edge of the bed and unfastened the belt that held his right hand in place. I wanted to measure his heart rate, but his free hand quickly grabbed my wrist. Weird electricity pierced me. Shocked, I froze.

I looked at him. This time his blue eyes stared straight at me.

I don't know why I got nervous. I should overpower his hand again. But I was too paralyzed. His skin was still cool. And his eyes said he didn't want to be touched.

Again, something was wrong here.

"As I mentioned, I have to ask you a few questions. First of all, you voluntarily agreed to be here, you signed the papers. Why did you want to run away?"

I didn't take my eyes off him. His face softened a little. But he said nothing.

His grip on my wrist weakened.

"Listen, If you won't cooperate with me, this conversation will be carried out differently. You should be fully aware of the situation you are in. At the time of your escape, you violated the terms of the contract."

Finally, an emotion appeared on MB-077's face and it was fear.

"I don't want to be here," he said so softly that I could barely hear.

His voice was so moving. No less, a shiver went through me.

"I'm sorry, but you agreed to stay here," I replied dryly.

There was more fear in his eyes.

"No, I did not agree to this."

I frowned. I shouldn’t deal with such matters. It was not my responsibility. I was only getting patients properly prepared for my experiments and research. There were rarely problems with them.

"Okay, I'll ask you differently. Did the assistant who was watching over you help you escape? Did she do something she shouldn't do?" I asked indifferently.

"No, she didn't do anything wrong."

I was not happy with this answer so I asked another question.

"What prompted you to escape?"

A few minutes passed, which we spent in silence. I thought I wouldn't get another answer.

But in the end, he decided to speak.

"I know what you are doing here. I saw things," he whispered.

I pressed my lips together in a thin line. Whatever he saw, he should not have seen it. Whatever he knew, he shouldn’t know that.

"It doesn't change anything when you signed the contract you had to be aware of what research we are conducting," I repeated stubbornly. "Your escape was pointless, you could die if I didn't find you on time."

I didn't know why his eyes became glassy.

"I'd rather die than become a mutated monster," he said weakly.

I was speechless for a moment, I didn't expect it. In a way, it touched me. But it shouldn't.

"This conversation has ended. You need to rest for a few hours and gain strength. Nothing has changed. You will fulfill the obligations contained in the contract." I said nervously.

I quickly fastened his arm where it should be and left the room. I tried to get his last sentence out of my mind.

I was furious. I didn't even know why. But someone had to pay for it. I took out my phone and searched for the location of the young assistant responsible for this mess.

Without a second thought, I burst into the laboratory in which she worked.

At the sight of me, she immediately stopped her work. Fortunately, we were alone in the room.

I approached her leaving little space between us.

She seemed scared, but that's good.

"What the fuck were you thinking? Or maybe, do you even think at all?! From what I found out, you didn't follow the protocol. So stop lying to me. What the fuck were you doing with him so early in the morning outside his room?!" I hissed venomously.

"All you had to do was keep him in his fucking room and make sure all his results were normal. You were supposed to prepare him for an experiment, not a fucking escape. Do you even know where you work?! Do you know who you work for?! "

The girl finally got tears in her eyes. Great.

"I can't work like this..." I added more calmly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think it would end this way, he was just asking a lot of questions ..." she said in a cracking voice. "I'm only human, he is also human..."

"I advise you not to say such things because you convince me that this place and work is not for you."

"But I understand how important our work is. He was just different from the rest of the patients..."

I rolled my eyes.

"I don't care, he may even be a ballerina, but it doesn’t change anything. You have to prepare him again. This time you have limited time. If you fail, I'll fire you personally."

I left still nervous. I wrote to my assistant to come to my office. That day was getting worse and worse. And still, a conversation with a board member awaited me.

Fortunately, my assistant was already fully ready when I got there.

"Have you finished arranging the new schedule?" I asked.

"Yes, of course. I still need several approvals, but nothing will change."

"All right, send it to me. Is our project '0' stable?"

"Everything is fine. The report is already available… Although we should take samples to prepare a new portion of the virus…"

I bit my lower lip. We may already have a delay, but we should not postpone everything else.

"Okay, We will do it today. Now."

"Of course, I will prepare the tools."

We went to an extremely heavily guarded underground zone. We kept all our specimens there. It took us several minutes to go through the security procedures alone. But finally, we entered our chamber.

Few people knew about the existence of what we kept here. And that was the future of biotechnology and the human race.

Most people would call these beings freaks of nature. For me, it was a unique genetic mutations that were supposed to improve us, ordinary people. Make us stronger, healthier, and more resistant.

At least that was my idea. My employers, of course, shared my vision, but they had much bigger plans.

There were only a few of these creatures captured in the world of science, but I think there were more living in the shadows.

But I had the privilege to study these beings and use them in the name of the greater good. I have always considered it an honor. Especially considering how young I was. Usually, scientists below a certain age and years of experience were not considered for such work. But I dedicated every day of my life to get where I am. So I couldn't waste it.

Our project '0' was unique and had a more developed DNA code than we did. It was the DNA of extraterrestrial origin. An alien life form.

Unfortunately, when we found it, it was in seriously bad condition. We couldn't handle it properly, fix it. So we simply brought it to a state to be able to study and use it in our research.

My idea with the virus was quite ambitious and unstable. However, I had to try it before we were to move to more drastic measures.

Now I got the last chance. If this experiment fails, I will have to start all over again. Plus I will lose power over the direction of this project… I couldn’t afford mistakes and weaknesses.

Together with my assistant, we took some samples we needed and secured them.

I was calmer for the rest of the day. I was encouraged by the hope that maybe this time it would work. That my calculations are flawless and the object survives the virus injection and the rest of the experiment.

After finishing work with my assistant, I returned to the apartment. I ate something and drank a glass of whiskey for a better night's sleep.

I needed this…

I was hoping for a quiet night, however I got a portion of uneasy dreams.

 _I felt persecuted._ _I didn't know where I was._ _Among white fog and nothingness. Sometimes the blue sky appeared._ _But then, there were no days or nights. I was wandering in shreds of indistinct events. But I wasn't alone, something was following me, haunting me. But this time it wasn't a wolf howling. Something different, voice more crystalline than a wolf._

_I was afraid to stop because I was afraid that something would catch me. So I kept walking forward, though I didn't see much in front of me._

_Finally, I was too tired. Too tired to face more blurred images._

_But when I finally stopped and turned around I realized that the blue moons that were constantly following me were the eyes of MB-077, I woke up immediately, panting._

It was still dark everywhere. I felt terrible heat radiating from me. I was completely shaken.

I took a few deep breaths. I looked at my watch. It was five in the morning.

There was no way I would fall asleep again.

I couldn't explain what was happening to me. Maybe I got an infection? I went to the kitchen and took a few pills. I tried to get these images and feelings out of my head as soon as possible. I wanted to stop thinking.

I slowly prepared myself for work. But it was still too early. Way too early.

I knew it was stupid. I knew it was irrational. But I had to make sure that he was where he supposed to be.

I walked through the empty corridors, using my passes, again and again, to move on. Finally, I got there, I stood in front of the door to his room.


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the more important information I finished watching Witcher and I don't know what to do with my life.  
> The next chapter.

His room was connected to the observation room, so I could watch him safely through a one-way mirror.

I think he was still asleep. The light was very dim, but I could still see him clearly. His bony legs stuck out from under the blanket. His left arm was still bandaged. We definitely have to wait a bit for the wound to heal enough. We will run more tests today. Everything must be prepared perfectly.

His hair was slightly ruffled. And his features were very gentle. Quite different than when I last saw him.

I couldn't say if I felt calmer when I finally saw him. Maybe I was hoping that when I saw him locked in this room, this weird feeling would stop haunting me… Who knows, certainly not me.

I don't know how long I watched him, but he finally woke up.

He seemed confused, especially because he was still partly strapped to the bed. I felt a cold chill in my neck.

Suddenly someone entered the room where I was. Not knowing why I got scared because I felt like I shouldn't be here. But when I saw that it was only a young assistant I slowly calmed down.

"Sorry, I didn't know that Doctor would be ..." she whispered tensely.

"All right, don't worry about me, just do what you have to do," I answered politely.

She seemed distrustful to my words. But she nodded and left the room. A moment later she appeared in the other room.

At the sight of her, the object MB-077 gently smiled.

I felt uncomfortable. Why is he smiling at her? And why he was so scared of me last time? He had never seen me before. What's going on here?

I left the room immediately and went to my laboratory. In this place, I could finally calm down. Work was what I needed.

My assistant wasn't here yet. So without him, I checked the level of radiation of the samples. Then I finally took up the paperwork. This definitely distracted me from unnecessary thoughts.

Today we should slowly start preparing our object for the experiment. Give him the first dose of injections.

For now, we only had one day of delay. But that could change quickly if he reacted badly to the substances we are going to give him. So far I've learned that anything can happen.

After the midday break, MB-077 was transported to my laboratory. The assistants placed him in a treatment chair.

All syringes were already prepared. The dose of these injections was to prepare him for a later more serious operation. Plus, we need to study how his body will react to certain substances.

He was wearing white shorts and a T-shirt. It was hard to read from his face how he felt. But anyway, it's not like I care. Just another patient. I had to roll up his shirt to have access to his stomach, when I accidentally touched his skin, he all tensed. But I wasn't sure whether it was because of my touch or fear of injections.

I put on protective gloves and decontaminated all the places where I was to inject.

He kept watching me with those blue pleading eyes.

I took the first syringe. I came closer and… my hands suddenly started shaking. I almost dropped the syringe. I moved away as if scalded.

"Is everything okay?" Asked my assistant.

I cleared my throat nervously.

"Yes, of course, I just have to disinfect this place again, I didn't do it well enough."

I put down the syringe and took the disinfectant again. Suddenly I felt the pressure that everyone was looking at me. Especially MB-077. I hope that I hid my nervousness well.

What was happening to me? Suddenly I didn't feel like being here.

At the same time, I felt like slapping myself for these thoughts.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." I cursed softly under my breath.

Everyone seemed to be even more confused by my behavior.

Get a grip, Howard.

After a few seconds, I returned to my task. I gripped his arm firmly to stabilize my movement and inserted the first needle injecting the contents.

A grimace appeared on his face. However, I continued with the injections.

After the last dose, my assistant got rid of the syringes, and the younger assistant measured all the necessary parameters and recorded them in notes.

Now only a few hours of patient observation remain. And of course, it had to be me, because at this stage I didn't trust the young assistant. And well, I don't trust anyone.

"That's all for today, you can go. If I need any help I will write to you." I said goodbye.

And so I was left alone with MB-077 in my lab.

I sat at one of the countertops so that I also had a good view of the patient. I opened my notes and wrote down the new data.

Maybe an hour passed when I finished completing my notes and the silence began to disturb me. Maybe not silence, but the breathing of MB-077 itself. It was so quiet that his breathing filled the entire space.

He lay still all the time looking up at the ceiling.

I decided it was time to see if anything was happening.

I approached the patient quietly and firstly started to assess if there were any epidermal deposits. But his skin was still flawless.

He glanced toward me several times, but otherwise, he lay still.

Suddenly I wanted to touch his skin without gloves. Rolling up his shirt, this time I intentionally touched his skin. And I don't even know if it was me or him who shuddered from this touch.

At the same time, my face blushed because he saw me.

I pretended to examine his flat stomach more thoroughly, then pulled back his shirt.

Fuck, what am I doing for fuck sake? It was completely unprofessional. I slapped myself mentally.

Avoiding his eyes, I returned to my seat. It will be torture. For a moment I felt like calling my assistant to replace me. But I didn't want to arouse any suspicion.

I fixed my eyes on the view outside the window. But a moment later I realized that I was not looking at the window anymore, but at him.

This silence was exhausting me.

My vigilance was dormant. And not knowing when, before my eyes appeared the image of his blue eyes begging for more touch… for more attention…

I didn't know if it was already hallucinations but..

That was so sick…

I was sick, I should not have imagined such things. Did I really get horny by the patient? Oh fuck. This is not happening.

I lowered my head, letting it fall to the counter. And worse, I felt his eyes on me again.

The more I tried not to think about him, the more thoughts crossed my mind.

You should definitely not think about that his eyes make you horny.

And you definitely shouldn't think about wanting to kiss him.

And above all, you shouldn't want to lick his stomach and torso.

Oh fuck, fuck, fuckkkkkkkkkkkkk.

A small voice in my head was telling me that;

 _You can do anything you want with him. He practically belongs to you. Nobody will know. You are afraid to even touch him. But you have control over everything here. And you want it._ _He just lies there, ready for anything you want…_

My fantasies were out of control.

I looked at my watch. Another hour has passed. Now I was even afraid to approach him.

I took a few deep breaths. I improved my lab coat and approached him again.

Already after the first glance, I noticed redness around the places where I was injecting.

I put on one glove and was about to reach for his arm, but suddenly I stopped myself.

"Can I?" I asked for the first time.

"It's not like I can refuse," he answered quietly, almost sarcastically.

I almost smiled.

I gently examined the redness. It wasn't looking dangerous. I suspected that after some time it should pass. Although of course, I could be wrong, so further observation was necessary. I took a sample of his blood.

"Does it itch?"

"No."

"Does it hurt?"

"Yes."

"It will pass."

I got rid of the gloves. I looked at him again and something hit me. He really didn't have many clothes on, and the lab wasn't the warmest place…

"Are you cold?" I asked quietly.

"No."

I nodded and went back to my counter. I noted the information about redness and put the blood sample in the refrigerator.

His peace didn’t leave me alone. Why was he so calm? He tried to run away, and now he was calm? I did not understand this. Of course, I could ask him about it, but... It probably was a bad idea.

For the next hour, not to go crazy, I tried to solve some complicated equations. But when I realized that I had made a mistake in the middle of the equation, defeated I dropped my pen.

I decided it was time for the last check. The redness went down a little. I decided that this would not endanger his life. Enough observation for today. I wrote down the final parameters. I took the last blood sample and I helped him up from the treatment chair.

"I will walk you to your room now." I briefly informed.

It was afternoon, so the corridor was rather empty. We walked very slowly. When we got there, we stood in front of the open door. I waited a moment for him to come in but he was standing still.

"Someone will come over to look after you," I said softly.

I put my hand gently on his back to encourage him to enter the room. Finally, he came in and turned to give me one last sad look. A look that made my stomach twist.

But I quickly closed the door. And I tried to get this picture out of my mind.

Well, it was fucked up. I think my brain has crashed.

I thought I needed some help. Or advice. So the time has come to visit Chris. You can say my probably only friend.

I didn't visit him often, we both worked on different projects. We were absorbed in our work. But I knew him from the time we studied together at the Polytechnic in UK. He was a good person, definitely better than me. That's why I needed his help.

A few minutes later I was standing in the doorstep of his apartment.

"Look who came here." He laughed as he let me through the door.

"Hi Chris."

We went to the small living room and sat on a quite comfortable sofa.

"It's hard to catch you lately."

"I know deadlines are still chasing."

Chris grimaced at my bad excuse.

"Like everyone's, plus I have heard of this escape..."

"Oh yes ..." I replied a little embarrassed.

"Do you want anything to drink?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, I'm coming back from a few hours of patient observation, I'm exhausted."

"Oh yes, the observations are so tiring." He said making fun of me.

But he got up from the couch and went to a small table with glasses and alcohol.

At that time I took a few deep breaths and rubbed my tired eyes and I soaked into the sofa even more.

Chris returned a moment later and gave me my drink.

"And how is your work?" I asked.

"Certainly not as exciting as yours. Although I take it back, my plants are more exciting than your work. But still, the work is going slowly, but forward." he laughed, then took a sip of his drink. "So... Why did you really come here?"

"What?" I asked, blushing.

"Oh man, you can't fool me. You look weird."

I almost choked.

"Weird, what does this even mean?" I asked panicked.

"I don’t know, you tell me."

It started getting hot. But that's why I came here. I was embarrassed, but at the same time, I wanted to get it out of my head as soon as possible.

"Well, maybe I have minor problems lately with... with something…" I started shyly.

"For example, with what?"

Chris seemed to be more and more interested in my strange behavior.

"It's awkward, really," I whispered embarrassedly.

"Just spit it out."

I ran my hand through my hair and I looked at the ceiling. So here we go…

"Awhh. I have inappropriate thoughts about the patient." I mumbled quickly.

"Inappropriate?" he laughed, but then turned a bit serious.

"Yes, inappropriate. Today during observation I thought I would go crazy. I imagined things I shouldn't have imagined." I confessed even more ashamed.

Chris thought about something for a moment, then leaned a little toward me.

"Are we talking about this patient who escaped and which you saved?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I didn't save him..." I denied it automatically.

I was confused. What was he up to?

"For real Dominic, you are difficult." he sighed rolling his eyes.

I took a sip of my drink.

"I'm not."

"From what I heard, if you didn't find him in time, he would freeze. And don't tell me you didn't save him. The guards don't care if any of the patients die or not. They just make sure that nobody escapes."

Chris was looking at me very seriously now.

"Okay, maybe you're right, but that doesn't change the fact that I shouldn't act like that."

Chris shook his head in disbelief.

"Dominic, you realize that you are _still_ human and have hormones and needs. You are not a machine as you would like to. You have such a brilliant mind, and you don’t see the simplest things sometimes."

I drew air into the mouth. It was hard to accept. Maybe I was difficult after all.

"So what should I do?"

"I don't know, I can't give you instructions. But maybe stop being so tense, or take a break. Your work will not satisfy all your needs. You starve yourself for months and then look at your patients as if they were fish and chips after an endless starvation diet. Stop starving yourself."

"It doesn’t make any sense," I said putting an empty glass on the coffee table.

"Well, my apologies, I'm a scientist, not a fucking psychologist," he answered, spreading his arms defeated.

Chris was right, he wasn't a psychologist. But at least I could get it out of myself. And I knew he wouldn't judge me. And maybe there was something right in his words. Maybe I'm exaggerating, maybe I've been limiting human reflexes for too long. And now my body is asking for compensation. Maybe I should normalize it somehow ... But how?

Well anyway, after our short conversation we had a few more drinks together and later I returned to my apartment. Nothing too crazy. But I was definitely more relaxed.

I went to bed completely out of tune. I was a little drunk. But at least it made it easier to fall asleep.

And then everything got out of hand. Literally.


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope that this chapter you will fall to your taste.

We were in my lab alone, again. He was lying on the treatment chair, again. I didn’t know what was happening.

Without the slightest hesitation, he took my hand and put it on his hip. And then he encouraged me to further explore his body. I was too enchanted to stop him or even think about what we were doing. I enjoyed it so much.

"You can take my shirt off," he said sweetly.

And just like that, he wasn't wearing a shirt anymore. I really liked the sight of his flawless body.

"Please touch me more," he said licking his lips.

This time, without any resistance, I leaned over him and ran my hand over his chest. His skin was so smooth and cool.

Suddenly his protruding collar bones caught my attention. I bent down and gave a gentle kiss. Which quickly turned into uncontrollable licking and sucking. I felt his long fingers in my hair. He made quiet moans encouraging me even more.

When I took my eyes off him, it turned out that I was already sitting on his lap. And I could feel a burning sensation in my lower abdomen.

He took my face in both hands to draw me to him. But when our lips were almost touching…

Suddenly everything fell, my body became heavy as hell and I woke up in my bed. All sweaty with a terrible boner.

"What the fuck?!" I cried completely annoyed.

I looked at my watch. It was six in the morning. It can’t be happening. Why now?

It was literally like one big joke. I wanted to fall asleep again and go back to that dream, but I knew it was impossible. For a moment, I felt like relieving myself with a quick wank.

However, I didn't give up, I took a damn cold shower. Swearing under my breath every now and then. It was only a dream, only a dream. But a very vivid dream.

The level of my frustration reached its zenith.

I had to solve it somehow. But whoever or whatever came to mind. That wasn't it. I even thought about Diane but then again I didn’t feel it. Uhh…

I dressed in my classic outfit and still irritated, I went to my lab. To my surprise, I have already met the whole squad there. I have to admit I was a little surprised.

"Didn't Doctor get my message?" asked the uncertain assistant.

I frowned, then scanned all faces. However, when my eyes focused on MB-077's face, I felt a warmth inside me, so I quickly took my eyes away from him.

"What message?" I asked semi-conscious.

"Well, some complications arose..."

My assistant informed me but a younger assistant interrupted him.

"We ran the blood samples from yesterday. The results are unclear, but you may have to repeat some injections in as soon as possible..." she said quickly.

"…And today is my day off, but if the Doctor wants, I can stay and work." finished my assistant.

Fantastic! A perfect morning. As if I didn't have enough problems. But I didn't have the strength to think about all this. So I chose the straightest path.

"No, I'm fine, I can handle it. Enjoy your day off. We will take care of this."

"Well then, see you tomorrow," he said with relief and left the lab.

I sighed, it will be a hard day. I looked at the younger assistant hesitantly. I still haven't forgiven her.

"Who did these tests?" I asked indifferently.

"I did it..." she replied quietly.

"I don't trust you," I answered coldly. "You have to do the tests again."

The young assistant looked at me in horror but said nothing. Maybe I was too harsh, but still, it's better than more mistakes.

Silently, she carried out all the tests again. I watched her closely. At the same time, I tried not to pay too much attention to MB-077. I didn't have the strength to deal with it right now. Although it was not easy. It was really hard to ignore him.

Then when she finished I checked the results and in fact, the data were correct.

"I had to make sure. There is no room for error." I explained indifferently.

"Of course," she answered obediently.

Suddenly Diane entered the laboratory. It pulled me even more out of the focus I was trying to achieve.

"Forgive me, doctor, but they brought another patient earlier. She must take care of him asap."

I looked at her in disbelief.

"Are you serious?"

"Unfortunately yes."

Awesome!

"So go ahead, I don't need any help. Anyway, I always have to do everything by myself, so what's the difference." I mumbled upset.

Diane gave me a weak smile and left with a younger assistant.

MB-077 looked at me anxiously. Great, that's all I missed.

I felt my head start to pulse. I went to the small fridge, pulled out a bottle of water, and took a few sips.

Then, without much choice, I went to the treatment chair. I don't know what they had told him before, but MB-077 seemed to be worried.

"I have to repeat a few injections. But it's nothing dangerous. Your body just has to be ready..." … _for..._

I mentally slapped myself. He just nodded, still uncertain.

Seeing him in the same place as in a dream. It drove me crazy. Who knows, maybe common sense will leave me completely and I will finally do something stupid.

I started preparing injections. Bustling around the laboratory. When everything was ready and in the right place, I started the whole procedure.

Suddenly a question slipped out of my mouth.

"How did it happen that you got here?"

"Why do you suddenly care?" he grunted dryly.

Yeah Domnic, why do you even care? I was halfway through my work when he decided he would answer me.

"I came across the wrong people. They didn't like what I did. So the best way to get rid of me... Although I don't understand why to go to such trouble, they could kill me right away. Now I pay for my stupidity." he said almost sarcastically.

"You knew too much, or..?"

"I knew everything you were doing here. But the problem is I made some mistakes doing business. My friend got scared and gave me up. Plus, I wanted everyone to know what I knew."

I was surprised by this direct answer, but I didn't quite believe his words either.

"Why?"

"I think I thought people had the right to know. Everyone should have access to this knowledge, not just the elite," he answered unconvinced.

I bite my lip thoughtfully.

"But it's better when they don't know. It's for the greater good..." I said before I could stop myself.

"Amen, I guess." He said definitely ending this conversation.

When I finished the injections, I started cleaning up all this mess. In the meantime, I was wondering what he said. Did he tell the truth? He wasn't a voluntary candidate but a victim? And even if, whose victim?

It did not match. But I have never questioned such things. My work and results have always been the most important thing for me. Other things were too trivial to occupy my attention.

And yet here I was starting to question a lot of uncomfortable things. When I finished cleaning, I dared to ask another question.

"Don't you want to run away anymore?"

"I guess it's pointless. I'll die anyway," he answered as if we were talking about the weather.

"I don't want you to die," I answered emphatically, frowning.

"Funny, really. Because you're probably gonna be the one to kill me." he laughed bitterly. 

After this sentence, my legs softened. I felt that I would fall down soon, I had to sit down.

MB-077 looked surprised at me but said nothing.

"Don't move, I have to call, I’ll be right back."

I quickly went to my office and called Diane.

That was too much, his words shouldn't affect me like that. He shouldn't affect me like that. I had to stop it all for a while to have time to think. Before it's too late.

"I'm sorry if this is not the right time, but... I have to take a day off tomorrow. I'm not feeling well. The last few days have been hard… What do you think, it can be sorted out? " I asked with hope.

"Oh, things I do for you... Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Anyway, it's always up to you when you want to have time off. So it won’t be a problem... Rest a bit, I'll send you a message later."

"Thank you," I said, then hung up.

I returned to the lab a little more calmed down when suddenly I noticed that MB-077 had disappeared from the treatment chair.

For a moment I ran out of the air in my lungs. But I quickly noticed that he was now sitting at the counter near the window.

"Why did you change your place?" I asked suspiciously.

"There are no windows in my room, I feel claustrophobic."

I bit my lip. I should get him back to the treatment chair. But it really didn't matter where he sat. I decided that he could sit there for now.

He was looking at the view outside, and I was looking at him. After a few minutes, the silence was broken.

"You are weird," he said still looking out the window.

Is he really talking about me?

"You change your behavior all the time," he answered my silent question.

I swallowed nervously. He shouldn't speak, but what should I do to him to stop him?

"You don’t know me," I said very softly.

"I'm a good observer. I have always been. I can read all the secrets and people." He laughed gently.

There was silence again. Does that mean he was watching me too? Does he see, what I see? I tried not to think about what he said. I took out my notes and added some details to them.

Then I looked at my watch. Time for control.

"I have to check you." I said louder than I should have.

MB-077 turned and looked at me.

"My name is Matt." he informed me and then lay back in the healing chair.

I didn't know what to say. I was surprised again. I usually didn't know the names of my patients, I didn't need this information.

But now my curiosity couldn't resist. I approached him while putting on gloves.

"And what is your surname?"

"Bellamy."

I examined fresh injection sites. I found nothing disturbing there.

"How are you feeling?" I asked involuntarily.

"I’m fine… I guess." he shrugged "Can I go back to the window?"

I nodded my head. I didn't understand why I just let him do everything he wanted.

He stared out the window without moving for about an hour.

I began to wonder what he was thinking about. Although I knew I shouldn't do it.

"This world is perfect, so beautiful," he said suddenly.

"Why do you say that? It is far from perfect." I replied, almost laughing at his statement.

"I'm sorry you can't see this."

"I'm not blind," I replied offended.

Finally, he turned to me and his eyes were so electric. I was afraid that I was standing too close.

"You are not blind, but you don’t want to see everything. The world is perfect as it is. And especially if we live in harmony with ourselves."

I did not expect that. Not from him. It was even more confusing to me.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I don't know, I felt nostalgic looking at these frosted trees," he answered thoughtfully. "I'm too old for all this," he whispered after a while.

"You are younger than me," I said instinctively.

"You really are difficult." he laughed in disbelief.

I felt a prick in my stomach, someone had told me that recently.

"What will you do to me later?" he asked innocently.

"You shouldn't know that..."

"Of course."

He seemed to be disappointed and at the same time relieved. It was so crazy. Chris claimed I saved him. Matt says I'll kill him. What did that meant?

It was like… Did I save him just to kill him? This doesn’t make sense. Suddenly I felt bad about what I was doing. I shouldn't. I shouldn't think about all this. It's all because of him. His innocent words were not so innocent.

"I have no bad intentions," I said stubbornly after a while.

He gave me a very torn look.

"Who are you trying to convince me or yourself?"

I closed my eyes, this conversation was getting more and more uncomfortable. What are we talking about? What does he want from me? I don't understand it at all.

"I heard about you but I imagined you differently."

"You what? How do you know me?" I asked surprised.

"Don't be modest, maybe most of your work is classified, but you are known in the scientific community…"

Well, maybe I was aware of it, but it sounded quite different from his lips. Anyway, what did that have to do with it?

"…I read some of your articles, scientific papers. But I must admit that I didn't expect to meet you in such circumstances."

I was speechless. At this stage, I didn't know what he was heading for. His voice was very impenetrable.

"…At one point I might even have been fascinated. Maybe this fascination led me to this place?"

He was fascinated? A chill ran down my neck. This story did not hold up to its end. I didn't believe his words.

"I don't know if I'm more scared or still fascinated..." he said as if he was talking to himself.

Suddenly he walked away from the window and faced me. I was too lost and slowed down to react in any way.

He stared into my eyes for a moment, then came close enough that I could feel his breath. My brain was no longer able to function normally. I was completely paralyzed and didn’t understand what was happening, again.

Partly, I expected what was about to happen. But I couldn't be sure of anything.

His eyes were impenetrable and at the same time attracted me like a magnet.

When he laid a gentle kiss on my lips, I kind of expected that I would wake up from this dream right away. But it didn't happen. Instead, he put his hand on my neck to draw me closer. My heart almost jumped out of my chest. When our lips met for the second time I lost control. I caught him at the waist and pulled even closer. As the kiss began to deepen, my tongue wetly sliding over his, dominating his willing mouth and making him whimper into my own mouth. It was everything I could only wish for.

My hand slipped under his shirt and I began to gently run my hand over his back.

He surrendered completely to me until it was not enough for him.

Suddenly he pushed me until my ass stopped at the counter. And looking straight into my eyes, he bit my lower lip so hard it almost started to bleed. It made me so aroused.

Then the feel of his tongue forcefully moving against my own… I wanted more and more.

It was wrong at every level. I shouldn't kiss any patient, especially in my lab. But when he tangled his fingers in my hair I quickly forgot about it.

His usually cool body was warm now. Suddenly he became as alive as possible for me. At that moment, I was able to pay any price for that kiss.

When our lips finally parted, I thought I would faint from the excess of emotion or lack of oxygen in my brain.

I moved away from him a little. There was a hot blush on his pale face and saliva glowed on his lips.

"Why did you do that?" I asked completely agitated.

"If these are my last days on earth... I'll do whatever I want," he answered quietly.

I knew I was risking everything at the moment. My whole career could end if someone caught us. So why did I allow this? I had no fucking idea. Thank God, or rather me, there were no cameras here.

However, it still bothered me. Why did it have to be him? Of all the people in the world, it had to be him.

Suddenly all my emotions subsided and I felt like crying. I wanted to cry. It was unthinkable. What's wrong with me?

Matt was looking at me and I was looking at him. And I still wanted to be close to him, but just thinking about it seemed dangerous. If I wanted to be close to him, that’s fine, I'm fucked up. But if we both wanted it, it was not right and extremely dangerous.

We stared at each other, I don't even know how long. When I got a message from a younger assistant asking if I would still need her today after she will be done with her current task. I wrote back to her quickly that I won't need her today.

That's how we caught another day of delay. Plus the fact that I took time off tomorrow. This means we have three days of delay. But somehow it didn't bother me anymore.

Not wanting to arouse any suspicion, I decided it was time for him to return to his room.

We didn't talk anymore until we were at the door of his room.

"You are doing illegal experiments here and you are afraid to kiss the patient for goodbye? Unbelievable," he said in mock indignation.

His sudden openness made me wonder but I couldn't help laughing.

"That's better," he replied winking at me, then entered the room leaving me alone in the corridor. Partly I was speechless.

Now I wasn't sure if my day off was such a good idea after all, but I couldn't change my decision.

Nothing seemed to be the right decision anyway.

The rest of the day I completely wasted doing nothing. I went to bed even earlier than usual. And I was surprised how calm the night was. Not like previous ones.


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are still breathing after the last chapter. And it's time for a little more emotion.  
> I also need to find time to write chapter eight and propably nine because I have two days left and no inspiration.

As soon as I woke up in the morning, I knew that this day would be torture. Because deep down inside I was still a mess.

I was barely aware of my surroundings. I was in bed, my brain recalled events from yesterday.

To a large extent, I couldn't believe that I was kissing him yesterday. My patient. I should be disgusted with this fact, but I wasn't. To be honest, I missed this contact. And this fact probably scared me even more.

What was this kiss, a mistake? Or something more… did he mean something to me? What do I want at all?

I did my morning routine and I got dressed to go outside. I needed fresh air. I went to a small courtyard and sat on a bench. But I felt watched here.

I got up and headed towards the forest. Which wasn't a problem, because we were really surrounded by forest from all sides.

I was surprised that the frost was still on the trees. It should be gone by now, but it looked like time stood still. I headed forward thoughtlessly. Every once in awhile I found footprints in the snow. But I was walking ahead.

Suddenly I heard wolves howling out of nowhere. Maybe this walk was a bad idea. But at the same time, their howl reminded me of something. About something important...

I've made an even dumber decision. I took out my phone and with a little help went to _this_ place. When I was close, I was able to recognize the surroundings. The marks were intact. I easily found the place where I found him. I tried to remember what he looked like then. And a shiver went through me. He looked practically dead then. But has things changed during these few days? 

It seemed so unfair. But what was fair?

And still there were even more important and difficult questions. Did I really felt something for him? Did I really care if he would die?

I was so sure of my work, but the truth was that chances were always fifty. It has always been risking. Was I willing to sacrifice him in the name of science? Was I able to do that to another person? We were total strangers to each other and at the same time not.

And the thought that he believed I would kill him. What should I do? What could I even do? I have never had a problem with morality… but I wasn't sure of anything anymore.

I returned to the facility and for the first time this month, I went to the canteen for dinner. Most of the employees used the canteen every day because it was easier. But I have eaten very little lately. Definitely, I ate too little and drank too much. I know it was unhealthy, but I couldn't change it.

I chose some good looking food and went in search of an empty table when I saw Chirs. He also saw me and waved me to come to him. I just did it without thinking.

"Fancy seeing you here," he said in greeting when I was close enough.

I rolled my eyes and sat down in front of him.

"I took the day off so I thought I could eat something normal," I replied quickly.

"Oh, you spoil yourself by eating normal food." he made fun of me.

"As you know, I don't have time to think about mundane things, let alone do them." I snorted starting to eat.

Chris just laughed as well, going back to his food.

There was a tumult around us. Even more, employees came for dinner. After a few minutes, Chris finished his meal for good and devoted all his attention to staring at me.

"By the way, how are you? And what about your recent problems?" he finally asked.

I sighed. I knew he would ask.

"Well. It's hard to say ..." I choked out.

"How hard?" he raised an eyebrow.

The option of telling the truth scared the hell out of me. But one way or another I will have to do something about it.

"I feel even more lost," I said without looking him in the eye. "I'm starting to question _these_ things, and you know that it's dangerous in our work."

"Okay, I understand, maybe it is dangerous, but you probably know that it is necessary sometimes. If we would blindly follow something that we don’t even understand, we wouldn't go forward."

"Chris, it's not even that. I think I'm starting to doubt everything." I confessed timidly. "And something happened yesterday. Something that should not happen, but it happened. And I’m terrified of the consequences, but even more, scares me doing nothing with it. This is mental…"

I put a carrot in my mouth to calm myself down. I focused on chewing.

"Mate, I don't think I fully realized how big your problem is last time. I thought it was just a bad day," he said finally.

"I'm telling you, I'm gonna go crazy," I said dramatically raising a glass of juice.

Chris was silent for a moment, he looked like he was thinking hard about something.

At that time I was sipping my juice, I was too tired to think about all of this all the time.

"Well, I'm your friend. So I'll give you the best advice I can give you. If you feel something is wrong. Leave this place. I'm serious. If you stay and make a mistake, you may have unpleasant consequences. And you know what I'm talking about. They are good for us when it suits them. For them, we are just numbers, a program that is supposed to fulfill the task they imposed. Maybe you are their best program now, but you know that when the program starts to fail, they don't hesitate to replace all the software."

"You know you're scaring me now," I said weakly, although I was aware of it all myself.

"Maybe you need it. Because sometimes you can be really naive. You are not their teddy bear to play with, just a weapon."

I swallowed nervously.

"Is it safe to talk about such things here?"

"Certainly safer than in our apartments."

"So what are you saying."

"I'm telling you to think about what you want and play it well. Because this is not a butcher shop and when something does not suit you can’t just throw a steak at the boss and leave the store just like that. You know the rules."

"Yes, I know the rules. The problem is, it's not just about me."

"Dominic..."

"I don't even know if I should tell you."

"Fuck... So what is it then?"

"It’s about MB-077... that is, Matt." I began timidly. "Well, we kissed. I mean, he kissed me, but then I returned the kiss… and you know…"

Chris gave me a very worried look.

"This is..."

"Disgusting, improper, completely fucked up?"

"Yes, but above all completely different than you... I didn't think you would take my words so literally..." he said carefully choosing words. "I don’t want to judge you, but partly, these are the effects of your decisions. You brought yourself to this place. If someone told me earlier that something like this would happen to you, I would laugh at him. And when I said you should stop starving yourself. I didn’t quite mean the object of your fantasies…"

"Ugh comforting, and I know it is all my fault. But I still feel as if it was supposed to happen, one way or another. But I still think I fucked up." I said, not really sure if I understood what I was saying.

"Well, yes, but the question is what are you going to do about it?"

"I have no idea," I answered sadly. "But for now I’m not sure if I will be able to continue with the experiment."

Chris gave me that sympathetic look.

"As I told you before, you need to think it over and make a decision quickly. You are a genius. I believe you will come up with something. So I just want you to make this decision consistent with what you truly want. Because this probably matters most, right? But be careful now..." he said uncertainly.

Then he looked at his watch.

"Sorry, I have to go back, duties call. Fortunately, plants are not as problematic as people." He joked.

"Thank you."

He just sent me one last friendly smile and left me alone.

I went back to my apartment and started thinking about what Chris had told me. But it all came down to one question, 'what I really want'.

This job that I had was my dream job. I always wanted to do something important, something with meaning. And here I am, I have what I wanted. But is this still what I really want right now?

If that were the case, I wouldn't return the kiss. Because with this kiss I ultimately destroyed all my faith in this work. I broke so many rules…

Because assuming that I would continue my work and Matt would die, would I be able to survive it and move forward just like that? I doubted it more and more.

Why did it have to be him?

I have already made several breakthrough discoveries. I worked hard and maybe already burned out? Is leaving it all the solution? And what about Matt, I will leave, but he will still stay here. And without me, it's even more likely that he will die. I need to create a plan with all possible solutions. I can delay some things, but I don't have unlimited time. The thought made me feel sick.

Usually, seriously ill people or people with serious financial problems came to us. And they voluntarily agreed to various things. We were able to cure some people, some died. But no one forced them to be here. They agreed on the whole package.

But well, as I have already seen, Matt was different. The situation was different. Was I finally heading to a line I didn't want to cross?

I had to take a break from it. As usual, I poured myself a whiskey in a glass. I lay down on the couch and drowned all these questions in alcohol.

What do I want? What do I want? What do I want? What do I want? What do I want? What do I want? What do I want? What do I want? What do I want? What do I want? What do I want?

And despite the fact that perhaps I knew the answer to this question subconsciously, I was too afraid to admit that this is true.

So fuck yeah.

Suddenly my phone rang. I felt like ignoring it completely, but I looked at the screen. It was a junior assistant. I felt like rejecting the call even more, but then I realized that she wouldn’t call if it wasn't important…

"Sorry for disturbing your day off so late, but there were some complications with MB-077…" she said shyly "…I did the evening tests and there is a problem with 5-hydroxytryptamine. I mean a big problem the level has dropped dramatically and I don't know what to do... I mean I don't want to do anything without the doctor's approval."

I sighed heavily. Fuck, not good.

"Move him to the lab, I'll be right there."

I didn't expect such a final of the day. But what else could I do? That was my job. I went to the bathroom and washed my face with cold water. My mind has become completely blank. I quickly brushed my teeth so that nobody could smell the whiskey from me. I put on my lab coat and took a pass. I left the apartment in a hurry, wondering what could have caused this sudden drop of 5-hydroxytryptamine.

When I got to the laboratory, a younger assistant was waiting for me there, with Matt in the treatment chair.

He looked very weak, barely conscious. His eyes were closed and his breath was very shallow.

The girl looked at me expectantly.

"We'll give him tryptophan intravenously quickly. Then we'll see." I said automatically.

"I'll go bring it." She said and quickly ran out of the lab.

At that time I went to one of the cupboards and prepared a venflon. I returned to Matt, put on my gloves, and disinfected his arm, then stuck in the venflon.

Suddenly Matt opened his eyes. He looked at me dreamily, his eyes gleaming like moons.

"You look like an angel. Are you an angel?" he asked excitedly.

I felt myself blushing. He was looming.

A junior assistant came back to the lab. We quickly attached him to the IV drip, measured out the right amount of tryptophan, and stuck the syringe into the IV drip.

"Now let's wait how he reacts."

I said taking off my gloves and sitting on the stool. I stared at the drip for a moment, then rubbed my eyes. Nothing goes as it should.

Finally, I looked at the younger assistant.

"What do you think happened?" I asked though, I didn't expect an answer.

However, she bit her lower lip as if she were really considering the answer to my question.

"I’m not sure if Doctor would like what I think."

"Let's give it a try."

"We mainly deal with genetic engineering here, but I think this problem has a different background. I’m thinking about neurotransmitters... I mean, he is mentally not suitable for this place. I mean, to such an extent that his body reacted in this way. Plus probably a few other things…"

I almost laughed at her explanation. I was about to tell her that that's why she makes so many mistakes. Almost. Because then I realized that lately, I was not better than her.

Not after what I did.

"Well, it's a possibility," I replied briefly.

"Let's hope the tryptophan does the trick and everything goes back to normal."

Honestly, I didn't like it anymore. There were too many problems with him. I always expect the unexpected, but this. We haven't even started the proper ‘treatment’. I was more and more afraid of side effects. Everything was possible. We tested it on rats and frogs. But man is something completely different.

We waited a moment in silence. Finally, Matt began to regain consciousness again.

We walked closer to him and disconnected the drip. He seemed to be highly confused.

"How are you feeling?"

"I need water."

The young assistant immediately run after water and gave it to him.

"I feel dizzy..." he added. "My head's spinning..."

"That should pass... Could you do a quick 5-HT test for him? We need to make sure that the level has normalized and that the body properly adopted tryptophan."

The assistant nodded and got to work. She took a blood sample and went to the appropriate station.

"Do you feel anything more than dizziness?"

"No, it's fine," he answered weakly.

"Are you sure?"

I went to the cupboard and pulled out a drip of vitamins and electrolytes.

"You will just feel better after this..." I said plugging in a new drip.

At this point, one part of me told me to stay and watch over him. And the other told me to do what I should do. To leave him with the younger assistant, it was her job.

I was torn. I couldn't make up my mind. Matt sat silently staring at the ceiling, as usual. Once or twice I caught him glancing toward me.

Finally, the girl broke away from her workplace and came to me with her tablet. She showed me a curve of 5-HT and how the level raised, it was almost perfect now.

"The result is good but you still have to watch him. And we still don't know exactly what caused this decline. I'm going back to my apartment, in case of emergency give me a call.

"Of course." she replied.

Matt gave me a weird look. A look from which I felt a prick in my stomach. That's why I left the lab as soon as possible. I shouldn't feel guilty for leaving him. I shouldn't care.


	6. VI

It was ridiculous, this whole situation was ridiculous. I had a moment of weakness, but I should pull myself together and not look for excuses. Whatever I felt for MB-077 was just an illusion, it wasn't real.

My life is perfect as it is, I shouldn't destroy it just because of some madman. He should be afraid of me, nothing more.

I closed my eyes with that thought. However, the night wasn't as calm as closing your eyes. I wandered between wakefulness and sleep.

_In one moment I was in the laboratory, and then in complete darkness. And so over and over again. There was literally nothing that could stop me in one place. I was like a ship without an anchor._

When I woke up, the only thing I felt was fear, I don't even know what I was afraid of. But my whole body was covered in sweat again. The first thing I did was take a few pills to calm down. It was downright crazy, I don't even remember when I last had such trouble with sleep… The thing that scares me the most is that I have no control over it. At least, I thought so.

I had to be in fairly good condition today. We will examine how Matt cells mutate with the virus. I mean MB-077, I have to stop thinking about him as Matt…

I prepared myself for work and a moment later I was in the laboratory. My assistant was already in full readiness. We took genetic material of MB-077 and our virus from the fridge. 

We combined the material on the petri glass. Then we went to the microscope carefully examining the reactions taking place. I was partly ready that nothing would happen, partly I was afraid that the virus would be too strong and immediately destroy MB-077 material. However, what we saw was spectacular. Cells began to combine and reproduce. It was a good sign but it did not prejudge anything. We had to carry out more tests. We worked a few good hours, kept filling up notes between tests.

Next we were to use the CRISPR method. We were supposed to edit the human genome. This method was quite simple, but the difficulty was that we did not only work on human DNA, but also on ‘DNA’ of project 0. Which was quite different from human.

I was calm during work. I didn't think about anything else, I was just focused. But when it was time for a break, I had to come back to reality. And I have to admit I was tired, but I couldn't describe this tiredness because it was just so weird.

I decided to go to my office and review the less important emails. I was still in touch with other scientists from around the world. You never know when they will find something useful for my research. In return, I also gave them advice and consultations. I was just reading a message from a Chinese scientist who worked in New York but was currently conducting research in Ukraine. All for legal reasons.

He was a pioneer when it came to creating fetuses from three parents. It was a very innovative approach. And that was something I could use, however. Of course, it was easier to design people before they were born. But my employer wanted to make changes possible for adults. For themselves. I knew how vain it was, but it was my job. Everything has its price.

I finished answering a few emails and returned to the lab. This time I found a younger assistant there.

"I haven't received any messages, so I assume everything is ok?" I asked.

"Yes, the night was calm..." she replied with a shrug. "But well, he also said he wants to see you."

Suddenly, the papers that I just picked up from my desk fell out of my hands.

"Umm, what?" I asked, trying to mask my surprise.

"He just said he wanted to talk to you..." she said and then yawned.

Only now did I look at her closely. She looked awful, she had dark circles under her eyes, her skin was sickly pale, plus her blond hair was a total mess. I realized that because of my order to watch MB-077 the whole night, she probably didn't even have time to sleep, because in the morning she had to start her shift.

And she said nothing because she was probably afraid of my reaction. I sighed heavily, it was too much. I turned to her again.

"Bring him to the lab. Then take time off until the end of the day."

"But, this is not necessary..." she said scared.

So she was afraid indeed.

"Please, you have done well. But you have been up for over 24 hours. You deserve to rest."

I wanted to tell her we didn't need another disaster, but luckily I bit my tongue.

She just looked at me shocked.

"Oh, so thank you."

I nodded and she left the lab. I didn't know why I suddenly decided to be so good-natured, especially for her. I didn't want her fatigue to cause an accident, or did I really care about how she felt?

A moment later, my assistant came to me.

"So what does this mean?" he asked confused.

"Well, you'll take over her evening responsibilities if you don't mind."

"Of course." He answered uncertainly.

Although honestly, I myself wasn't sure about my plans. What was I even doing now?

"Well, I think you can take a break for now and then I let you know when to come back. There is no point in starting something that we won't finish. We will catch up tomorrow. In the meantime, I will collect fresh DNA material and the rest stuff that we need."

In this way I was left alone in the laboratory. And I realized how crazy I am. And I knew I shouldn't do that. But I was afraid to face him in the presence of others. However, I wasn't sure if I was even doing the right thing.

After a few more minutes, junior assistant brought Matt and put him in the medical chair. Then we were alone.

He was staring at me, which made me feel uncomfortable. It shouldn't be like that. He looked much better than at night. I went to the cupboards and took a sterile sample tube.

Then I went to him and handed it to him. He looked at me questioningly.

"I need more of your DNA," I explained briefly.

However, it didn't bring results, so I added, "Just spit there."

He seemed displeased, but after a few minutes he did what I asked him to do.

Then I took the sample I gave it a label and put it in the fridge. When I returned, he was no longer in the chair, but was leaning against one of the countertops. I didn't like it.

"Why did you want to see me?" I asked coldly.

"I was bored." He said examining my reaction.

"That's not a good enough reason. You can't demand to talk to me just because you're bored. I have other things to do."

"But either way, you agreed," he said hopefully.

I sucked in the air.

"My mistake," I answered bitterly.

I was thinking about what to do with him. But suddenly he came up to me and I couldn't predict what he would do. This was called patient unpredictability. Normally, in such circumstances, I would call the guards immediately, but I didn't do it. Instead, I stood in a place completely paralyzed.

And then just like that, he embraced me in waist and put his head on my shoulder. I was completely lost and didn't know what to do. I wanted to push him away, but on the other hand his embrace was quite pleasant. I lost a fight with myself. I was lost like never before in my life.

"Please, stop doing this," I said weakly.

"Why?"

"Because ..." I started, but a shiver went through my whole body. "Because it's wrong."

"But does it feel wrong?"

He asked, looking me straight in the eyes, then he ran his finger along my jawline, walking down my neck.

I bit my lip, I didn't want to answer that question.

"You won't change my decision," I said unexpectedly.

"What decision?" He asked a little confused.

"Experiment, I mean the experiment will take place anyway," I answered before I could stop myself.

He was still holding me, but his grip definitely loosened.

"I don’t give a fuck about this. I accepted that I would die one way or another."

"You… What?"

"You obviously still don't understand this. Why don’t you want to see everything that is happening around you?"

I couldn't answer him to this in any way.

He let go of me. It created a little bit of space between us, which was very heavy. He looked like he was considering something. And I just stood there dumbfounded.

"There is nothing here but darkness.

Confine me then erase me. Because I’m nothing.

Your lips feel warm to the touch, you make me feel so much. It brings me back to life and at the same time kills me. And you want to be dead inside.

You say you are free, but I only see the lust for control. And I don't know if you are an angel or a demon. You didn't leave me out in the cold. You didn't leave me out to die. But it still hurts. And I want to feel your arms and breath and your heartbeat. But you are trying so hard to hide how ablaze you are.

In the end, do you want to kill me without remorse? "

I completely froze at the sound of these words. It was too much for me. It was just too much. Why did he tell me all this? What did he try to achieve? Just what the fuck? I was not able to comprehend it. I couldn’t express myself.

"As if I was already dead," he said softly.

For a moment it seemed to me that he was looking at me, waiting for me to answer something, but I think he gave up eventually.

"I don't know how to explain it to you. Ever since I came to this place, I became nothing. I am not even considered as a human anymore. What would you do in my place? What do you think I should do? Wait politely until you start experimenting with me? How can you be so calm?" he asked venomously.

I was intimidated by him.

"Free me or kill me right now. Just do something," he said with great desperation in his voice.

"I can’t," I whispered.

"Well, so make up your mind, before I make it up for you…"

I looked at him in disbelief. What did he expect from me?

"Do what you have to do and take me back to my cell."

These were the last words he said to me. His eyes remained cold, almost frozen.

I couldn't even determine the state I was in now. I felt so many extreme emotions that I thought I would explode from their excess. I couldn't handle it now. I led him out of the lab as soon as possible and led him to his room. None of us said anything anymore. We didn't even look at each other.

Should I be scared? He was dangerous to me. He showed me how desperate he was. The question is, what would he be able to do? What would I be able to do? And of course, a million scenarios came to mind. But they were all rather tragic.

What the fuck is wrong with him? With me?

All of this should never happen. It was some kind of an alternate reality. It was my fault. I brought this to myself. Because I was weak? Because I had a moment of weakness?

I was starting to believe that he really shouldn't be here. But what should I do about it? What could I do with it? I was totally in chaos. Everything flew around me. And I was so powerless.

I did not know, what to do. I really didn't know what to do. I felt such anger, so much anger. And I couldn't release it. I wanted to scream but I couldn't.

Instead, I was lying on the living room floor. I lay completely still, trying to blend with the floor. It is possible that I even felt wet tears running down my cheeks.

What was wrong with me?


	7. VII

I found myself in such a state for the first time in my life. Well, it had to happen sometime. I wanted to turn off my brain for a while. Stop thinking about all this and stop feeling. But I couldn't. My own body refused to obey me.

Why I felt so miserable? I did the right thing... Suddenly I heard my phone ring. I didn't have the strength to even look at the display. But then the phone rang again and again. In the end, I gave up and answered.

"Hello?" asked the voice of my assistant.

"Yeah?" I choked out.

"I'm sorry, but I never got a message from the Doctor. So I went to the laboratory, but nobody was there. Everything was just the way I left. Notes... I'm not sure what to do with it." he explained a little confused.

Fuck. I forgot all about it.

"Sorry about that. I didn't feel well and forgot to clean up all these things."

"Well, okay. Should I clean or leave it?"

I felt my cheeks burn. I went out to be a total idiot.

"No, leave it, I'll be right back and clean it up."

"All right, I'll take care of MB-077's evening routine and I’ll finish for today."

"Yes, that's fine. See you later."

I hung up as soon as possible and sighed heavily. I didn't feel any better. But at least I had to keep up appearances. I gathered from the floor. I wiped my face with handkerchiefs and adjusted my clothes. I went to the lab very slowly, hoping I wouldn't meet my assistant along the way.

On the spot, I met with complete darkness, so I turned on the light, which was too bright for me now.

I automatically picked up all the tools, some of them went to clean, some I put in the right place. I collected all the notes and took them to the safe in my office. It was very reckless on my part that I just left them on top. But whatever.

To occupy my mind with something else, I sterilized all countertops. Then I washed and sterilized all the glass. I cleaned everything. I don't even know how long I've been doing this. But I hoped it was late enough for me to go to sleep.

I returned to my apartment, but I didn't feel drowsy. Not good. I took a shower, but it didn't help either. I left the bathroom and poured myself a glass of whiskey. I sat on the plush carpet near the window and started looking at the glass. However, I was unable to drink. I just couldn't.

How could I bring myself to this state? How? Maybe I should talk to Chris again... But it was already too late. Anyway, he helped me enough, I shouldn't burden him with my problems.

I leaned my forehead against the cool glass. I stared blankly at the dark. After a while, my eyes got used to the darkness so that I began to notice the delicate features of the landscape. I felt like I was trying to blend with the surroundings, with darkness, cold, emptiness… I tried and tried. I felt lonely like never before. Everything had its purpose. And I was sitting here completely lost trying to quartered my own soul.

How to escape this madness? I had to end it. I quickly dressed in black jeans and took another white shirt. I put on my lab coat and took my pass.

Walking through the dark corridors I realized how late it was. But it wasn't a problem, I often worked at night, nothing new.

I went to his room and with a pass, I opened the door without any problem. He might seem asleep, but at the sound of the door, he shifted uneasily in bed. I went to bed, at that time he got up looking at me confused.

"What are you doing..." he started but I interrupted him.

"Just get out of bed, we'll go for a walk," I said softly.

He seemed a little scared, but he dutifully got out of bed.

"Follow me."

We left the room. There was only tense silence around us. All the way, every now and then I turned around to make sure he was still behind me, he was moving so smoothly.

When we got there where I wanted, I opened the door to my laboratory with a pass. I told him to go inside. He hesitated for a moment but finally came in.

"Why did you bring me here?" he asked, his voice trembling.

However, I couldn’t answer that question yet.

He might have suspected something was wrong. Because in the end, I led him out of the room in the middle of the night.

"You really got on my nerves. Ever since you got here. This place is not a playground, I have work to do I have deadlines. But because of you, I have to break all of them. And this lowers my assessment of work and anger my employers. And this work is the most important for me. So I have to do something about it at last." I said in a completely dispassionate voice.

"No… Please wait," he said suddenly even more terrified.

I froze for a moment, enchanted by his fear. I had no idea what was going on in his head. But it didn't matter.

"I have to do something because I will go crazy. There is no other option."

I don't know what happened next, but apparently Matt must have seen something in my face. Something I haven't shown so far. And I was really fed up. I had this vision of what could happen. But at the same time, I saw nothing.

Maybe I was really dead inside, as he called it. Maybe there is nothing left of me but my body. I could get everything or lose as much or even more. But the thing is, my brain didn't work as usual. Nothing was normal anymore. You couldn't tell the top from the bottom.

I hope the universe will forgive me for what I was about to do.


	8. VIII

"I'm sorry if that's not what you expected of me. But it turns out that I'm weak after all. And I think you're my greatest weakness right now."

I took a few slow steps towards him. He seemed completely confused. But I couldn't blame him. I didn't know what I was doing either. I didn't want him to be afraid of me. I had to find out what I really needed.

I came close enough that I could see the iris of his eyes clearly. They looked like a perfectly blue helix nebula. But they were more beautiful and more alive than some cosmic entity. I just really was blind all this time. I think that in a way I pulled out and hid my soul in this lab for so long...

Why was his face more interesting than everyone else's? Why were his eyes more absorbing than the rest of the world? I don't think there was a logical answer to that.

He stood before me in all his glory like a porcelain doll with eyes full of hope.

I overcame the last centimeters that separated us and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. My heart was beating faster and faster. Partly I expected him to move away immediately.

That's why I didn't even touch him. I wanted to give him free choice. This one kiss was to be just an invitation. And then I felt his cool fingers on my cheek. A shiver went through my body.

I felt as if he wanted to say something, but instead, he bent to kiss me again. And this time we haven't separated from each other for a long time. Kissing him was divine and that pleasure filled every cell of my body. I felt relief flowing over me and I didn't want this feeling to ever end. I literally felt his heart beating as fast as mine. Nothing else mattered.

All danger that hung because of what we did. I couldn't think in those categories any more.

At some point, we stopped kissing and ended up in a tight embrace. I just couldn't let him go.

I wanted this moment last a bit longer... But eventually, it began to get brighter outside. Our time was ending.

"I want to show you something," he whispered in my ear suddenly.

I was a bit surprised, but I loosened my grip to look him in the eye.

"You have a piano in here..." he said softly.

"I do not know if..."

"... Can you take me there?"

I bit my lower lip. What was on his mind? And how did he know we had a piano here?

It was risky. But no more than what we have already done. He was looking at me with those pleading eyes and I couldn't refuse him.

"Okay, but you have to be quiet, and don't talk to me on the way."

He nodded and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

I couldn't help but sigh.

We left the lab. Fortunately, the corridors were still empty. We moved easily to the less guarded part of the facility. There was, among others, a canteen, rooms with entertainment for employees. And our destination, a room with several instruments, including a piano. I knew some employees came here often to play, even Chris. But not me.

I closed the door behind us and Matt immediately approached the black shiny upright piano.

"Steinway ... I must admit I'm surprised, I didn't expect such a good piano here."

I just nodded. I had no idea about pianos and their quality.

Matt sat on a leather stool. And I stood next to him leaning against the wall and carefully watching him. His whole posture changed. The eyes seemed more vivid and shiny. He even gave me one cheeky smile.

"How much time do we have?"

I glanced at my watch.

"About twenty minutes. What are you going to do?"

He started pressing random keys, but in some harmonic way.

"I'm going to play something for you."

"What?"

"Well, you probably don't know it anyway but it will be Liszt's Totentanz."

And I actually had no idea what he was talking about.

Matt stopped looking at me and all his attention was focused on the keys.

I didn't know what to expect. But I definitely wasn't expecting something this. For a moment I was afraid that someone would hear us. But then I was hypnotized by Matt's fingers. I couldn't believe the speed at which they danced on the keys. The composition began so darkly but then slowed down for a moment. I couldn't take my eyes off what was happening.

Matt's focus turned into some form of enchantment. As if nothing else existed at the moment except us. At times when the tempo was so fast, it seemed to be magic that he could play so fast. It was almost inhuman.

I couldn't even understand the emotions I felt when listening to this piece. For a moment I forgot about the whole world and all the oxygen in the room changed into the composition that Matt played.

My heart was beating in rhythm to what he wanted.

This composition resembled a fight that was in me. Is it possible that Matt felt like me? Was it in a sense a confession that he understood me? Is it possible that deep down, he was smarter than me?

When Matt finished playing. As if suddenly the whole world has become deaf. I was afraid of this sudden silence.

He looked at me shyly. But I didn’t know what to say, not after something like this.

Would words even be able to express what I felt? I moved slowly and sat down next to him.

He looked at me curiously. As if he saw something in me that I couldn't see. It was unbearable.

I sighed softly. I wanted to ask who he really is. Because I didn't really know him at all. He definitely was not an ordinary person. 

"It was more than beautiful ... Thank you."

Before I realized it, Matt's lips had already sucked in my lower lip… However, I knew it couldn’t last long. It was a short but intense kiss. The thought of separation caused me physical pain. It felt like we could have so much together. But we could never be together. So I wanted to get everything I could at the moment.

Before it was too late, I escorted Matt to his room. I came back to my office, I wanted to do something, but I was too tired. I was exhausted emotionally. And I didn't have the strength to be in the real world. Before I knew it, my head fell on the desktop. A few minutes of rest won't hurt me...

Suddenly a knock on the door woke me up. I looked around confused. I was still in my office.

A second later, my assistant came through the door. He looked surprised but tried to hide it quickly.

I blinked several times to get in touch with reality.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know Doctor would be here so early..."

"That’s fine, I worked a little longer, I had to fall asleep."

"I must admit that I admire doctor for this dedication to work. A worthy example to follow."

I cleared my throat embarrassed.

"Yes, I'm glad to have such a good influence on you," I said with a forced smile.

My assistant smiled back, though friendlier than me.

What have I become?

"But anyway what you came for?"

"Oh, I almost forgot. We just got information that General Jackson is coming to visit us..."

"What, when?!" I asked, suddenly fully awake.

"I'm not sure... In four or three days?"

"What is the purpose of his visit?"

"We don’t know yet..." he answered clearly worried by his lack of knowledge.

"Could this have something to do with our project?"

"I honestly have no idea. We have delays, but that couldn't be the reason... If that was the reason they would have told us sooner… I guess."

Fuck. Perfectly. I couldn't believe it was a damn coincidence.

"If you found out more, let me know."

"Of course. And doctor, what about the experiment?"

"Well, we have to move forward. We have to finish a few more tests, and then. Probably that is why the general is coming. I wouldn't be surprised if he would like to witness the first phase of the experiment." I said it as calmly as I could. But just thinking about it made me sick.

"Really?" he asked surprised.

"Yes, so let's get to work."


	9. IX

We worked in the laboratory and I haven't seen Matt all day. I was tempted to bring him to the laboratory under some pretext, but it was too risky, I didn't want to make a bigger mess. I could always check on Matt at the end of the day, after work.

During the tests, I hoped something would go wrong. That suddenly it turns out that all this has no chance to succeed. But all the results were amazingly good. Under normal circumstances such tests would take weeks or even months, but not here. It was very convenient when you didn't have to wait for any permits and you were a god in your laboratory.

My assistant was getting more and more excited, I became more and more annoyed.

At the end of the day, I was completely exhausted. My assistant left early, he mentioned something about a meeting, but I didn't listen to him at all. I just wanted to go to my apartment and take a shower.

I was finishing cleaning the lab when unexpectedly Diane came in. I stopped my work and looked at her in surprise.

"I'm sorry I come so late but I preferred not to wait with this information," she said smiling apologetically.

"What is it?" I asked although I could guess what was going on.

"General Jackson is coming in three days. Officially, it's supposed to be just routine inspection, but everyone is getting impatient. They are worried about the competition. So they want to... motivate you. I don't know yet how but..."

"Should I be worried?" I frowned.

"The general will close the least effective projects. Of course, you don't have to worry about that. Your project will definitely not be closed, especially considering how progressive it is. But you know how it is, they will rummage. So just get ready."

"Okey, but why are you telling me this?"

Diane sighed, she seemed a little uncomfortable now.

"You'll get official information on this topic. But I wanted you to get ready. Because you see. Recently you seem to be very uneasy… I know I shouldn't tell you this but I'm worried."

I felt my face start burning. I didn't expect _that_.

"I don’t know what you're talking about..."

She looked at me as sadly as at the sight of an abandoned puppy.

"You know what I'm talking about. You keep changing your schedule, you spend the nights in the lab, some employees are afraid of you lately… And even your appearance, you look like walking death… You can deny it, but the reality looks different. It's not my business, I know but I thought you had to hear it before something bad happens." she shrugged.

I really didn't expect to hear anything like that from her. I honestly didn't even know how to react to this. I was shocked.

"You don't have to answer me. I just wanted to warn you. And that's probably all I wanted to say. Good night. " She said, giving me one last worried look.

Then she quickly left the lab leaving me alone.

Fuck. I didn't think I was so obvious. I thought I was doing really well. Meanwhile... Her words made me even more anxious.

I returned quickly to my apartment. I didn't want to start panicking. But what else could I do in such a situation? Everything is falling apart. I'm falling apart. I wanted to visit Matt before, but now it seemed like a bad idea.

Whatever was between us it was extremely fragile. I had to make only good decisions. And at the moment, there seemed to be no way out of this situation. That there is no option that would allow everyone to win. That everything has its own price. And I didn't know if I was prepared to pay that much. But all the signs in the sky indicated that I was running out of time.

I wanted to postpone my decision. I didn't want to make decisions at all. Why my talented brain couldn't predict this?

Suddenly I felt like sleeping. I realized how tired I was of all this, I just wanted to sleep. Sleep was supposed to be a medicine. I wanted the whole world to disappear. I went to bed completely resigned and fell asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.

_And then once again I was in the laboratory. But this lab was very different from mine. It looked completely foreign. I didn't remember what I was doing there, but it quickly lost its relevance when Matt entered the room. He also looked strangely unfamiliar. At first, I didn't understand why he looks so different. But then I noticed his elegant outfit. His skin wasn't white as snow, but full of color. His hair wasn’t messy, but it was smoothly combed. He looked so vivid. He walked towards me confidently. And I was just standing paralyzed. I was afraid something bad would happen soon. But Matt smiled at me and grabbed my hand._

_"What are you still doing here? We don't have time, we'll be late," he said sweetly._

_"What are we going to be late for?" I asked confused._

_"Don't play with me now, you know."_

_However, no matter how hard I tried to remember, I didn't know what he was talking about._

_Suddenly everything blurred and I was no longer in the laboratory. The light dazzled me. But when the blinding light went out, I realized that I was looking at the stage. And on this stage stood a grand piano. At first, I didn't recognize the person who was playing the piano, but the melody seemed to be familiar. At the end of the song, the artist got up and bowed. Only then did I recognize him._

_Then the crowd applauded. I looked around, but everyone in the audience was dressed in white lab coats and looked exactly like me. I quickly ran out of air._ _Without warning, one of my doubles pulled out a gun and shot Matt in the head._

 _I felt sick._ I immediately woke up in my bed. And I still felt terrible nausea. 

I believe that I was falling into some strange illness that I didn't understand. I wanted to vomit, but my stomach was literally empty. It was torture. I had to do something, but I had no idea what.

The only certainty was that I couldn't escape. Escape was not an option.

The moment I started working for these people my life changed forever. Formally, I didn't belong to them, but all my work that I was doing here was in their hands.

I was completely aware of this when I signed all of these documents, but I was also apparently a stupid fool who didn't care about the consequences. I couldn't feel sorry for myself anymore. I have two days to come up with a plan, otherwise Matt will be lost forever. Probably the first thing I will have to do is forge the results of some tests, and this is just the beginning. It will be a miracle if we get out of this alive.


	10. We'll be together while the planet dies

I had to start cleaning and sabotage. It was still early in the morning, so I quickly went to the laboratory. I went to one of the refrigerators where we stored the most important material and turned it off, then opened the door.

I went to the office and I began to review documents from previous experiments. I made sure that they wouldn't find things that burden me if they needed to. I packed all my unofficial notes in folders, later I will burn them. I finished cleaning my office and went back to the lab. I additionally heated the temperature of Matt’s samples to destroy the material. Then I turned on the refrigerator again.

This should facilitate some difficulties.

Before my assistant arrived, I returned to the office and reviewed some of the latest project updates at this facility. I had to be sure I really had any bargaining chip.

Then, as if nothing had happened, we started a normal workday. We worked as planned until...

"Doctor, I'm sorry to bother you, but I think something is wrong."

I broke away from my microscope and looked as calmly as possible at my assistant.

"What do you mean?"

"Well... everything was fine yesterday. And today, the bonds in this modified material have fallen apart. Like… This material is totally useless!" he said with a little panic in his voice.

What a surprise. Of course, it will be useless now. And even more than useless.

"Okay, so did you do everything as it should be?" I asked innocently.

"Of course I did! I checked everything several times. I wouldn't risk taking such important tests." he said, his face started to turn red.

"Don't worry, just make a list of all the tests that went negative, I will repeat them and then we will check if there was a mistake. I don't want to question your work, I trust you, we just need to be sure."

My assistant took a few breaths, apparently, my words worked as they should.

"Okay, but will we make it in time? There are so many things to do."

I sighed. Time. Things to do. They really didn't matter now, but he couldn't know it.

"Really, don't worry about it now. We'll never work fast enough for them. We are taking too many shortcuts anyway. We really speed up our work as much as possible. We are already testing almost blindly. It won't bring us success in the long run." I said, hoping that this answer will be good enough.

And fortunately, he became a little calmer with my words. Everything should look as natural as possible. He couldn't begin to doubt my intentions.

We have never been close friends, but from a scientific point of view, it seems to me that he almost always agreed with me. However, I still had to be convincing, so I stopped my current job. When he handed me his results I started repeating the tests that I knew would be still negative. I did everything with great precision and I didn’t hurry.

After several hours of further sabotaging the results, I decided it was time for a credible presentation. I put the broken material on a microscope slide and then let our virus into the cell. I waited a moment and when everything was ready I called my assistant.

He came to my microscope and looked at the material.

"See what is happening?" I asked simply hanging over him.

"Yes, I see…"

"The cells are fusing and multiplying, but this binding is very unstable. They can't survive in this form for a long time."

My assistant broke away from the microscope and gave me a worried look.

"We operate here on a very small amount of materials, so think how unstable it would be in a living organism."

"But… Yesterday, everything looked so promising… So, what shall we do now?" he asked uncertainly.

"I'm also disappointed but, as usual, enter everything into the computer, and then test the virus on mice to confirm our thesis."

I took off my gloves and went to the window and took a few deep breaths.

The sun was still quite high in the sky. I was lying too well. But for some reason, I didn't feel guilty about lying on my own assistant. I wanted to have it all behind me. I was about to go back to work when suddenly the light went out in the whole laboratory and there was complete silence at once. And after a few seconds, the emergency power mode turned on. But most of our machines were still down.

"What happened to electricity now?"

"I don't know, maybe it's just temporary..." I whispered confused.

My assistant got up from the computer he was working on a moment ago.

"So what now?"

"I don't know… I think I'll go to my office now, and you can find something to do in the meantime." I said shrugging my shoulders.

He just rolled his eyes.

I went to my office and to pass the time I returned to browsing the contents of old folders. I remember at the beginning, all my notes were neat and so accurate. Over time, it became more careless, created in a hurry... But never mind. It was more surprising how crazy my ideas were back then. In theory, everything seemed possible, but practice apparently grounded me. Back then... I probably wouldn't mind blind experiments on people. For the last few days, this option scared me.

After some time I heard a knock and as usual, my assistant came in.

"It's been half an hour, maybe I should check what's going on?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, sure. Check and let me know."

He left quickly and I was alone again.

My mind drifted off to Matt. I felt such a great temptation to see him. But at the same time, I felt so scared to do it. I was afraid that Matt might be… unreal. Everything about him seemed so illusive. Our last meeting was like one of my dreams. What if I go to see him and the room will be empty?

But on the other hand, I couldn't have such hallucinations, right? Although if I’m in some state of psychosis anything is possible. I feel sick lately, but I hope that's not it.

"Matt is real…" I said out loud.

Another knock on the door pulled me from my strange thoughts. Although I didn't expect him to come back so soon. He seemed a little breathless.

I looked at him questioningly.

"We have a problem… I-I mean, there is a problem. There was a storm in a nearby town. The lines supplying a larger percentage of electricity to our facility were broken. Most of the major equipment now operates on a backup generator."

I frowned, I didn't expect that.

"Okay, but what does it mean, how long will we be without electricity?"

"At least a dozen or so hours. Probably the electricity will not come back until midnight..."

I sighed, trying to gather my thoughts.

"Well, that's not good. We won't be able to do anything more today... This is crazy!" he groaned, clearly annoyed.

"I know, I know. But we can't help it. I guess it's actually the end of work for today… Tomorrow we will come back and finish everything. Prepare what you still can for tomorrow and that's probably all we can do right now…" I assured him.

"Oh, of course. I'll do my best."

I gave him a gentle smile and we left my office.

When I went out into the corridor I realized how dark it was. Only a few emergency lights were on.

Hmmm, if there was no electricity anywhere... It gave me an idea. Totally crazy, but why not?

The cameras definitely stopped working, they would not waste energy on monitoring. It meant that you could move wherever you wanted ... with whom you wanted. And suddenly that was all I could think about.

I quickly went to his room. I opened the door without a problem and looked inside. It was completely dark here, I used the flashlight on my phone to be able to see anything, to find him.

But I didn't have to search long. He was in bed and his eyes were closed.

I gently took his hand and squeezed it, but I didn't receive any reaction.

"Matt" I whispered close to his ear.

Suddenly his eyes opened. He seemed shocked.

"What's happening?" he asked worriedly.

"Well, maybe you'd like to go for a walk?" I asked quietly.

Confused, he raised his eyebrows.

"What? Now?"

"Yes now," I said and then started to get him out of bed.

He still seemed uncertain and sleepy but didn't protest. We walked down the dark corridors quietly. The elevators didn’t work so we had to use stairs.

I felt that Matt had many questions, but he didn't dare ask them yet.

Fortunately, we didn't meet any employees along the way. And finally, we got to my apartment. I opened the door and let us in.

Matt looked at me even more confused.

"Why are we here? I mean, what am I doing here?" he asked totally lost.

"Well, I'll explain it to you in a moment. I have to find some light first."

So far, the only source of light was my phone and the rest of the light that was coming in through the window.

Matt just nodded, so I led him to the sofa and then went to the kitchen. I found some flashlights, but they were not suitable at the moment, so I kept looking until I finally found some candles. I brought them back to the living room and lit them. Everything finally took shape. I was also finally able to take a closer look at Matt.

I sat next to him on the couch and for a moment, we just looked at each other. Suddenly, the idea of bringing him here seemed totally irresponsible. For a moment I couldn't believe I did it at all. But since I've already done it...

"I... I just thought that if there is an occasion, I can get you out of there for a moment."

"Should I know what's the occasion? " he asked quietly.

"No... you don't have to worry about that."

Matt nodded but kept watching me uncertainly.

"So you brought me here just to look at me?" he asked with a hint of sarcasm.

"No, I'm sorry, it's just… it’s just a little awkward. I should offer you something to drink first..." I stammered nervously.

Suddenly I felt like a complete idiot.

"You don't have to, I’m fine," he replied with a shrug.

Then he leaned his head gently on the back of the couch, still watching me.

I swallowed nervously. There was an empty buzz in my head.

"I dreamed about you lately..." suddenly escaped from my lips. I felt my face start burning from that sudden confession.

However, Matt's face remained unmoved by these words.

"Was it a good dream?"

"In a way ..." I replied evasively.

Matt gave me a small encouraging smile to keep me going. I sighed.

"In a way, it was pleasant because you played the piano again..." I whispered a little flustered.

Matt bit his lower lip and then smirked.

"Do you like me playing the piano?"

"Yes, of course, I do."

"If we still have the opportunity, someday maybe I will play for you again," he said with a shadow of hope or rather an optimistic consolation.

But my throat tightened anyway. Suddenly I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him I was trying to fix it all. But I couldn't give him false hope. What if I fail? That would be an even worse type of disappointment.

At this point, we could both die. Maybe there is a chance to get out of this situation. Or maybe it's just an illusion of our naive minds.

Maybe all we have left is to enjoy these last moments…

"I see you are nervous, but you don't have to hide it from me." He said, lifting his head and gently leaning toward me.

"Wha-What do you see?" I stammered.

I wasn't sure if I heard it correctly or if I understood it well... Were my emotions that visible?

"I see a contradiction, in your words and actions," he said intently watching me.

"Well, that's obvious. I feel a lot of conflicting things… I do things I shouldn't do."

Matt sighed and looked down.

"I understand, but is it because of me?"

"No, yes, does it even matter? I mean, I have a lot of reasons to be nervous. But I’m surprised that you are so calm." I tried to divert his attention from me.

"I'm too weak to be nervous honestly. In a way, I have already died in this forest. So what should a dead man be worried about? Each subsequent day is both a gift and a punishment. Something like purgatory..."

"I wish I could save you from this place," I said quietly, without thinking.

I wanted to hide after this confession. Why did I act like a stupid teenager? Matt just raised an eyebrow.

"Did I hear you right? Be careful what you say because I may think you are not such a bad person after all," he said half-jokingly half-seriously.

But I smiled sadly.

"Uh, I'm not a good person, I've never been."

"Maybe I don't know you that well. Maybe you have never been a good person, but aren’t you now?"

I stopped to think about it for a moment, but… I didn’t want to admit that I have changed or that I’m somehow different. That was not a pleasant thought.

And anyway... Is that a change if a few days ago I was ready to shoot him so that he wouldn’t escape, and today I brought him to my apartment?

"It's not change, it's more like madness." I laughed.

"Sometimes you don't need much to make a change. Sometimes all you need is just one switch or decision," he said quietly as if he no longer paid attention to what he was saying or he was speaking just to himself.

It began to get hotter and only now I realized that I was still wearing my lab coat. I quickly took it off along with my jacket and threw it on the armchair. However, I still felt a slight discomfort.

"I'm sorry, I normally don't talk to anyone about such things," I said a little embarrassed.

Matt just laughed and sighed as if I had said something funny. As if all this conversation didn't take place.

"Don't worry, we don't have to talk about it. In the current situation... it is better not to think too much. So let's just forget about everything."

I was a bit surprised by this sudden change.

"Would you like to forget about everything?" I asked to make sure.

To be honest, I also just wanted to forget everything. Everything would be simpler…

"Yes, why not… I'm sure you'll help me with this," he answered without a shadow of a doubt.

His eyes seemed brighter, more vivid. It helped me believe that his words were true. Suddenly the air became lighter and easier to breathe.

Matt managed to move closer to me. He put his cheek on my shoulder so that I could feel his breath on my neck.

My heart rate automatically accelerated. I couldn't believe Matt still wanted to touch me. I didn't even deserve his touch.

But this temptation was stronger than me. My fingers ran over his cheekbones then tenderly tangled into his hair. They were so soft, their touch calmed me down. When I felt a gentle kiss on my neck, my hand automatically ran down to his waist.

Then without any warning, he climbed up on me and sat on my lap. Our eyes met again, and for a moment it took my breath away.

I've never seen more beautiful eyes in my life. I wondered if he could feel my heart.

But then he grabbed my hair and pulled my face until our lips finally met. I didn't need anything else. He slipped his tongue in my mouth and greedily slide it against mine, sucking my breath away.

After a few seconds, his body began to soak into me. But I didn't mind, I enjoyed every little move he made. His blouse rolled up revealing part of his waist. So my hands landed on his lower back and began to wander over his smooth skin. He just purred contentedly, curving like a cat. Intentionally brushing against my crotch.

I automatically closed my eyes overwhelmed with total bliss. Matt took this opportunity and began to unbutton my shirt. And before my brain registered it, I could feel his mouth on my neck and jaw. His long fingers wandering over my chest. Then he began to lick my lips and bite them playfully.

I grabbed him by the hips to pull him closer. Our dicks again began to rub gently against each other. Matt let out a trembling moan and we returned to deep and desperate kisses again.

I don't know about Matt, but I really forgot about the whole world. Words were unnecessary.

And I don't remember the last time I felt so good. Maybe somewhere far in the back of my head, something whispered to me that I was literally touching the forbidden fruit now. But even that wasn't important enough to get me out of this state. I couldn't care less.

Somehow during our kissing, Matt landed on his back on the sofa, and I on him. His cheeks were flushed. Lips glistened with saliva. I couldn't take my eyes off him. He just gently smiled and pulled me close again. I couldn’t refuse him. Our kisses have become more tender and lazy.

I wanted this moment to last forever. I didn't want to let him out of my hands. I wanted to fall asleep next to him and hold him all night, but it was so impossible.

It was the greatest irony of fate that happened to me. But I was ready to do anything to save Matt.

At one point I realized that we even stopped kissing and ended up embracing ourselves tightly.

And I held him as close as I could physically. It was hard for me to understand, but the only thing that came to my mind to describe how I feel is that I felt safe. It was such a warm feeling that it made me shiver. I was hoping he felt the same way.


	11. the last day on earth

The alarm sound woke me up. When the moment of confusion passed, I realized that something was wrong. Some of me expected someone to be next to me. But I was all alone in bed. And I felt extremely cold.

I couldn't blame anyone. It was all my life choices that led me to this place.

As soon as I received information from my assistant that the power would be back soon. I led Matt to his room.

Now I was determined as never before. I wanted to get us out of here.

When I came to the laboratory, my assistant was already setting up cages with experimental rats. We have prepared the necessary meters and documents for the experiment. We quickly took genetic material from rats and prepared injections. We shared the job I took two rats and he, the rest. We saved the initial parameters, then we moved to the injections.

Unfortunately, two of the rats died immediately. The rest of them didn't survive for more than an hour.

We had our results.

"So, in a word, we have failed completely..."

"In a sense, but we can learn many things from every failure," I said to comfort him.

My goal has been achieved. That was the most important thing.

For the rest of the day, we analyzed all the data. Finally, we prepared a report. A normal day at work.

Until...

"In that case, what about MB-077? We studied him, prepared and now?"

I swallowed nervously. I did not expect such a question.

"Well, I'm not sure... Maybe we won't need him for now." I said, trying to sound very indifferent. "Anyway, the General will probably decide about it when he arrives."

Today I wanted to see Matt again, but I knew it was reckless. I had to watch what I was doing and what I was saying. I had to be an exemplary employee. So I had to refrain.

Time began to flow very fast. And before I knew it, that day has come.

In the morning I took a few pills to calm down. I had a meeting with the general only at one o'clock, but I wanted to be well versed in what was happening.

When I left the apartment, I found that I might as well check what Chris is up to and working on. I came to his laboratory and he was quite surprised by my visit. Apart from him, there were two senior scientists with whom he worked. I didn't know them well, but they didn't have a problem with my visit.

This lab was a little different from mine. It was more spacious, and part of it occupied a considerable number of various plants.

"Everything all right mate?" he asked patting my shoulder.

"We will see after today's meeting with the general," I said sourly rolling my eyes.

"I don’t envy you. But is it rather just a routine meeting?"

"Sort of," I answered, but my voice shook a little.

Chris raised an eyebrow.

I didn't tell him about my plans. I wasn't sure I should have told him about it at all. But he would probably find out soon enough.

We moved to a more secluded place in the laboratory.

I bit my lower lip. I felt a bit embarrassed.

"I... In a way, I want to get Matt out of here, I mean MB-077," I mumbled quickly.

"Well, okay. It's hard for me to understand, but since you are thinking it's right..."

Chris seemed a little confused, but he had every reason to.

"... And I want to quit my job here." I finished suddenly.

Chris fell silent. It looked like someone poured a bucket of cold water on him.

"Well, well, I didn't expect that either. I mean, in a way, I advised you this myself, but I didn't think you would listen to me. This is serious. Are you sure?"

I smiled weakly.

"Believe me, I didn't expect it myself. But that's all I can do now. I feel that this place has completely consumed me and it is too much for me."

Chris nodded, but then frowned again.

"Tell me, are you really leaving because of him?"

I sighed. There is no point in denying it now.

"Partly, he just showed me what I missed I guess."

"This is crazy. But if this is what you need. I hope you will succeed… Who would have thought?" he murmured then added more worried "Oh Dominic, they won't like it. "

"I know, but as one saint once said, Paradise comes at a price…"

Chris smiled, but then someone called him.

"Uh, I have to get back to work. But don't you dare leave without saying goodbye."

"Sure, sure. I wouldn't dare"

Talking to Chris made me feel better, but only for a moment. Waiting was the worst, I had no idea what to expect. And when the time of this meeting came, I thought I would faint.

Exactly one o'clock I knocked on the general's temporary office.

I waited for a moment and went inside. General Jackson was sitting behind the desk, I approached him slowly. He didn't take his eyes off me.

As usual, he looked impeccable. His face showed no emotion, and his pose was like stone.

"Good morning," I said weakly, then sat down in a chair opposite him.

"Nice to see you again, Doctor Howard," he answered, but his voice was unpleasantly cold.

However, I didn't expect anything else. The general was not a pleasant person at all. I tried to be relaxed but my muscles were tense.

"Well, I wanted to start on a good note, but before you came I had the opportunity to look at the last reports."

Oh, so he won't play with me, straight to the point.

"To be honest, I didn't expect such results. Over the past few weeks, we have only received positive news. And suddenly total disaster. Can you explain it to me somehow?"

I took a deep breath.

"Of course. Maybe I'll start with the fact that we work with completely unpredictable material. So far, we've only been studying it for most months. We created simulations of our capabilities. We forecast the chances of implementing our ideas. We chose the most promising path. But our assumptions did not have any strong foundation. It's a fact many tests turned out to be positive. But all this was happening on a microscale. We couldn't predict then how it would behave on a living organism. Our research is very dangerous. But we did everything right…" I finished hoping that this would be enough.

The general's face remained unmoved.

"Well-chosen words. But they still don't give an answer."

"But what was the question?" I asked confused.

"What will you do with all this knowledge now?"

I lowered my eyes for a moment, I had no idea how to lead this conversation to the right track. I had no plans to continue this project, but I had to say something.

"I think we need more people for this project, maybe even some biohackers. And more time..." I took another deep breath "...Also, as for MB-077, which was to take part in this experiment. As I noted in the report, he is not suitable for our purposes. So we can send him back..."

"No, we can't send him back," he answered immediately.

My worst fears were confirmed.

"What does that even mean?"

"I can't reveal the details, but MB-077 has obligations to us."

I was getting more and more hot. I could even feel my ears burn. Everything indicated that I was in a lost position.

"What obligations? He just isn't suitable." I repeated stubbornly, like a small child.

"As I said, I can't reveal the details, but if not this experiment, then another. He may even die, they don't care." He shrugged.

I blinked several times before this information reached me. It was becoming more and more absurd.

"I won't use him for any experiment," I said barely aware of my words.

"Well, if you don't use him, then someone else will."

Damn, I didn't think about that.

At this point, I wasn't sure where I was. And I haven't told him yet that I want to leave. But does my resignation make sense if I can't get Matt out of here?

"Something's wrong?"

Everything's wrong. But why not go all the way?

"Yes. I didn't want to start with it, but I want to leave. I can't work here right now."

The general seemed to receive this message with great calmness until I noticed his eye twitching.

"Doctor, you put me in a very difficult position. Our bosses expect news about your success and results. In the meantime, you tell me you want to leave. And you don't even look like you're kidding."

I wanted to answer somehow, but I didn't know, how.

"I have to admit that I imagined this conversation quite differently. I’m not even sure what to say... Of course, you must be aware of the consequences of your words…"

"I'm mostly aware."

"You want to leave and then what? You can't work for the competition. So what will you do? I would advise you to rethink this decision. It would be better for you if you stayed."

"I'm not so sure of that."

There was a short awkward silence.

"Well due to this unexpected information, I must interrupt our meeting. I need to consult what to do in your case. Someone will inform you when I want to see you again."

"That's all?" I asked lost.

"That’s all for now."

My brain was completely paralyzed, but my body forced itself to get out of the chair and leave the room. I wasn't even sure what happened there and what the consequences would be. Now it wasn't even the general who decided about my fate, but the top of the mountain itself.

My mind didn't want to cooperate with me anymore, I couldn't focus on anything. I decided that it would be best if I returned to my apartment. But on the way, I met Diane and she was all over the place.

"Dominic! What the hell have you done?"

"What have I done?" I repeated blankly.

"Yes! Suddenly they started checking you as if you were a terrorist."

She clicked something on her tablet and showed me, but I was too confused to understand anything.

"What do you mean? What are they checking?"

"Everything. All your documents, reports, notes. The people you worked with. Your access card. Your meetings…"

Suddenly it hit me. I was fucked.

"Dominic, if you tried to hide something, they'll figure it out," she said as if I didn't know it myself.

"I, I didn't think it would go that far..."

Diane shook her head, raising her eyebrows.

"Enlighten me."

"It's better for you not to know the whole truth. But I told them I want to leave." I said very quietly.

"Well, that's a bomb."

Despite the drama of the situation, Diane seemed to be amused.

"I'm sorry, it's so crazy and ridiculous that I can't." she laughed.

I rolled my eyes. Could this situation be even more twisted? Why was that so funny for her?

"I'll let you know when he wants to see you again. But prepare yourself better," she said, still smiling, then left me.

I didn't know what to do with myself, so I returned to the apartment. I poured myself a glass of whiskey and drank it quite quickly. I can't stand it being sober.

I knew what I was getting into and I was upset anyway. Only now I realized how little control I had over it. I was literally at their mercy. All this time I thought I meant something. But I was just another number. I was really stupid thinking I could help Matt. I've been living my whole life with the belief that my knowledge and intelligence know no bounds. But maybe I was just an idiot who tried to convince himself that he was intelligent. Either way, I messed up everything and there is no turning back now.

I lay down on the sofa and waited for my judgment. Maybe I even fell asleep for a moment.

Finally, I got the message that the general wanted to see me again. I didn't know what to expect anymore. I didn't know if I had enough strength to face it.

But my body knew the way, and a moment later I was sitting in front of General Jackson again. I expected that maybe he would be in a worse mood or whatever. His face, however, remained unmoved. Amoebas express more emotions.

"Doctor, you were our investment, and if we let you go now we will suffer losses. And we don't like to be lossy… We can't force you to work just like that, simply because your work wouldn’t be effective. Nevertheless, we can't just let you go."

At this point, my brain stopped working. They won’t let me go. I didn't even know how to react, but the general had more to say.

"Your work must bring much more income so that you can terminate the contract."

I almost laughed.

"So that's all, you just need more money?"

"Of course not. But I have to admit, your resignation surprised me. So I looked into the matter more closely. And I must say, you hid quite well. But unfortunately, your pass activity betrayed you. We don't normally check it... but in this situation we did and in a word, now we have an advantage over you."

"What does that even mean?" I asked confused.

The general chose his words very subtly as if it would help. Why was he playing with me?

"This means that the project you were running will be passed on to someone else."

Okey… that’s weird.

"But what about..."

"What about you? You will be assigned to a new project. Someone else was supposed to take care of it, but now that you are free, in a way. We've decided that your knowledge will be useful for this project."

"What if I say no?" I asked faster than I thought.

The general finally showed some emotion and it was irritation. I was more and more afraid to speak at all.

"Doctor, you are too intelligent not to know the answer to this question."

"What, will you kill me?" I snorted.

"Funny, but no, dead, you won't benefit us. But as I said, we know your weakness. You say no, and we get rid of MB-077 once and for all. You obviously care about him, too much. So let's explain this whole situation once and for all.

The new project is of a military nature. Implant design that will allow us to control the necessary parameters in the soldier's body. Such as heart rate, adrenaline level, provide control if necessary...

Several prototypes have already been used before, but they proved to be useless. Many have tried, and the army pays a lot of money. And these implants are the first step to introduce further modifications and improvements to the human body. But I don't have to explain it to you because you know it best yourself."

I couldn't believe it, they tried to screw me into something even worse. And they put me in a dead-end. Although maybe it was me… I put myself in this situation. And I can't blame them. But whatever it was, I won't be able to do it. Not now.

"I can’t do that..."

"Of course you can. That's the price for MB-077. You should thank us for being so generous. We'll let you continue working for us, and MB-077 will be released."

"So what, you will release him just like that?" I asked incredulously.

"Of course, we'll talk to him first. He must be aware that if he threatens us again, this time the consequences will be borne by everyone he has ever known. It's just a business."

It was ridiculous. But their ultimatum was easy to understand. I stay, Matt leaves. I will leave, Matt will die. Surprisingly, I didn't even have to think about the answer. I knew what I had to do.

Apparently, the general considered my lack of objection as surrender.

"I have little time, so to finish. Clean your office, laboratory. Your assistant is no longer your assistant. From next week you will join the team led by Tomas Krik. Of course, your entitlement level drops because we don't want a replay. If you cooperate with us and do what we expect from you. We will consider terminating the contract. This is the final decision. You will receive the rest of the information in the coming days. Your career is practically over."

Unknowingly, I just nodded.

"Well, it's a shame it ended this way. We had great hopes with you, but it happens. Diane will prepare a contract that you will sign. And everyone will do what they must. So I guess I’ll see you next time."

I was not able to speak anymore, so I just left. I left without saying goodbye. I couldn't believe it was all really happening. In addition to dizziness, I felt completely defeated. But at the same time, I was accompanied by incomprehensible peace. I just hoped that if I agreed to what they wanted, they would release Matt.

I was so tired that I don't even care what happens to me. I knew they wouldn't let me see him anymore. So I went to my office. I took a piece of paper and wrote on it:

_I hope I was able to return your freedom. Maybe one day I will have the chance to see you playing the piano again._

There was no point in getting emotional now. We'll probably never see each other again. But I will never forget what meaning he gave to my life. As if he woke me up from some deep sleep.

Each of us deserved a second chance. I hope Matt will use it and forget about this place.


	12. We'll never say goodbye

I did what had to be done, or at least I told myself so. As I predicted, we never had a chance to say goodbye. I was hoping that at least he got my short message.

Since I joined the new team, my rank has dropped. I couldn't give orders any more. Doctor Krik controlled all my work. Sometimes it was hard to bear. But sometimes I was glad that this responsibility no longer burdened me.

In the beginning, it was hard for me to get out of bed because it seemed to me that I lost my purpose. I tried to free myself from this bad place, but I stayed here. So what did that mean?

Matt seemed to be just an anomaly. He seemed to be just a figment of my imagination. But he disrupted my routine. And I couldn't go back.

Luckily I still had Chris. He kept me wise. He told me that talking to plants helps him keep his balance. He gave me one as a gift.

One evening after a very successful day. When we were able to place the implant without damage in the nervous system I thought maybe it was a sign. Maybe I should go back to doing what I'm good at. But when the next day our patient got a heart attack because we exaggerated with the settings. I felt this disturbing feeling again.

After a few months, the project was completed. They wanted to send us to Beijing for the premiere and presentation. I didn't feel comfortable participating in such a thing, but it soon turned out that I had no choice.

When I was packing my suitcases, I felt like I was leaving prison after a long stay. At the same time, I was afraid to go back to the real world. At the airport, I felt like a total alien.

Our presentation in Beijing was rather modest. It was evident that only a certain number of guests had been invited. Unfortunately, there were several familiar faces that I wanted to avoid at all costs. So it's no wonder that at some point I accidentally ran into an extremely charming woman.

She seemed to be as uninterested in this meeting as I was. She scanned me, then invited me to the bar.

"I'm intrigued. You look even more bored with this presentation than I am." she sighed, flipping her black hair aside.

"I just came to drink champagne."

"So you're not buying anything?" she asked surprised.

"No, I don't buy, I don't have to. I took part in this project." I laughed bitterly.

"Scientist? I wouldn't guess, you're too handsome for a scientist."

For a moment I was speechless. I haven't talked to anyone like that in a long time.

"Since I'm too handsome, what is a beauty like you doing here? "

"This is not that important."

The bartender gave us our drinks.

I felt a little awkward in this situation, but at the same time, I couldn’t get up and leave.

The woman took a sip of her martini without taking her eyes off me.

I swallowed nervously.

"So what are you doing later?" she asked innocently

"Nothing, I'm actually going back to London."

I felt a little silly about my boring answer. But a smile appeared on the woman's face.

"What a coincidence. Same as me. I don't want to be too direct, but there is still free space on my jet. It would be great if you joined."

I was surprised by her offer, but the private jet was so tempting. And the flight from Beijing to London was very long and uncomfortable.

"If you don't mind, I'd love to join."

"Great. So don't leave without me. I have to talk to someone else."

I nodded, and I wasn't going to leave the bar anyway.

I was a little surprised by this unexpected turn of events, but I couldn't complain. After all, it was my return to the normal world. And it was quite pleasant. I finished my drink.

Sometime later this mysterious woman came back to me and I realized that I didn't even know her name. But now I was too shy to ask about it.

We chatted about random things while traveling to the airport. She seemed so nice and easy-going, unlike her elegant outfit. But maybe it was part of her job? I didn't dare to ask where she works.

At the airport, it turned out that we were going to fly a very exclusive private jet. But we didn't fly alone, we were accompanied by a few unknown men. Unknown to me, my companion apparently knew them very well. However, she chose the seat place opposite me.

At the beginning of the flight, we were rather silent until she ordered us a champagne-like in a movie. But I couldn't refuse her.

"So tell me. What are you going to do in London?"

"I don't know yet. I've been away for a long time. I will probably rest a bit and look for a new job."

"Well, I can help you with that. I know the best ways to relax. " She said it in such a tone of voice that I felt my cheeks flush. "I'm also pretty good at finding jobs." She added.

"Well, thank you for the offers, but I really don't want to impose, you're way too kind."

It seemed a bit strange to us that we had just met and she had already offered me so much. But maybe it only seemed to me.

"Nonsense, but we can talk about it later." she laughed evasively.

Then we started talking about our favorite books and other bullshit. We had a pleasant conversation. It was nice to talk to someone about such normal things.

Later, I was able to sleep. I was woken up only when we were close to landing. My companion seemed strangely excited.

"I think it's time to get to the point," she announced leaning gently towards me.

I was a little confused, but I waited what he would say next.

"You told me you were looking for a job. And let's say I would have a job for you."

"What? You don't even know me, you don't know what I do..." I answered anxiously.

"Oh, on the contrary, Doctor Howard." she chuckled sweetly.

A shiver pierced me at the sound of my own fucking name.

"How do you know my name?" I asked blankly.

"You insult my intelligence. You told me yourself that you worked on a project and I know everyone who worked on it. It was enough that I associated the name with a face."

"But how… Do you work for military services?"

"Of course not. But not only the military can buy the latest patents."

"All right then? " I frowned.

"When you were sleeping, I had the opportunity to learn a bit about you. And I would need a man with your experience."

Suddenly, this whole performance ceased to entertain me. I didn't feel comfortable in my current position.

"I don't know if we understand each other well. But I couldn't work for you even if I wanted to by the prohibition of work for the competition." I said coldly.

"You don't even know what my business does." She laughed.

"Okay, so what does your business do? "

She ran a finger over my cheek and looked into my eyes.

"Produces dreams. And it fulfills people's fantasies," she whispered fancifully.

"I do not understand. "

The woman looked at me irritably and leaned back in her seat. As if I said something wrong.

"You spoil all the fun, but let it be your way. We produce modern drugs. Such drugs with the effect that can be programmed."

I think I misheard what she said…

"You kidding me. Seriously? "

But she seemed very serious.

"Yes, it is a very niche market, but I sense a great demand for something like that for the coming years. Old drugs are overrated. " She shrugged.

I still don't know why she thought I'd be useful to her.

"Why did you think that I would agree to take part in it? "

"Because I know people like you…" she sighed rolling her eyes.

I was completely lost. Had I been in trouble the first day because of a too nice stranger? Was she playing games with me or was she serious?

She leaned over me again, her eyes piercing me.

"Baby, you are fading like a dead star… And I know the right medicine for this. "

"I'm fading like what? " I repeated in a shaky voice.

She ignored my question, apparently she was determined.

"Doctor, you don't have to hide behind your past work. Such an offer like mine may not be repeated."

"All I can tell you now is that I'm not looking for a new job right now…"

"Oh, I understand. You need to rest first. You already told me that. So I'll leave you my business card. And I hope you will use it… I know you will use it. Because you won't get a better offer than mine." she said confidently.

That was crazy. She was crazy. I just left this one hell behind and they are already trying to get me to another.

Only now did I realize that I had become a target. Apparently, rumors of my departure from work quickly spread. And of course, the biggest freaks will try to win me over.

I think I will hide at home and won't leave. I don't want to attract attention to myself. And especially, I didn't want my old bosses to be unhappy or threatened. I didn't work for them anymore, but still, I was bound by a certain contract. I didn't want to fuck it up.

This woman was so confident that she didn't even seem discouraged by my negative attitude. Maybe she had reasons to be confident. Maybe she knew I would call her eventually. So I just took this card from her. First of all, I didn't want to offend her after she was nice to me. Secondly, I didn't know what I was going to do next. Maybe I should consider her offer?

After landing, we said goodbye quickly and briefly. I took a cab and indicated the address of my apartment. I bought this place before moving to a research facility. I have rented this flat so far, but when I knew that I would be back soon, I thought I would live here again.

I even hired an interior decorator to bring this apartment to order. And when I went inside I was not disappointed. Everything looked fresh and well planned out. However, I didn't feel like I was coming home. Everything was alien to me here. But I should get used to it. I quickly unpacked and ordered food.

Maybe it would be easier if I went on vacation to some tropical island? But on this thought, my plans ended.

I sat at home all month, rarely going out. Most of the time I read some random books that I bought in a bookstore just because I liked the cover.

For some reason, I preferred to avoid television, the Internet. I didn't want to have contact with anyone. For some reason, I was falling down and I had no control over it.

Sometimes my thoughts drifted off to Matt. I was often tempted to find him. But I knew I couldn't do it. The circumstances in which we met were bad. In fact, we should never meet. It couldn't be denied, it couldn't be changed.

Anyway, by now he must have already forgotten me and moved on with his life. It's been months.

Although in my dreams it seemed like we saw each other yesterday. And these were not nightmares. It was like a warm lullaby.

"The simulation just went bad for me but you’re the best I ever had…" I whispered to myself.

I was lying in a tub full of cold water to remember him, his touch. I wish that I was stronger… But I let the water to take me away. Every night. It was more than sad… I was waiting for some salvation. But maybe salvation was not for me.


	13. I come apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this story at a time when I wanted to understand why people behave in this way, contradicting the laws of logic. Matthew and Dominic's previous life symbolized this paradox. Their meeting in given circumstances was, in a sense, the climax and a path to purification. A kind of catharsis. A gradual understanding of their mistakes and willingness to change.  
> I hope that you have at least partly understood what I mean and that you liked the story.  
> I want to thank Tamarelmensdorp for supporting me while writing this story. And I want to thank Stefanyeah. She gave me promts for this story. ♥

In the following days, I felt such senselessness, I even considered accepting the offer from a mysterious woman. I tried to find some information about her, but I found nothing. I was probably looking in the wrong places. But I still had her number. Maybe I was exaggerating at first and her offer was not so bad… I couldn’t sit here forever and do nothing. However, I still didn't feel strong enough to go back to any job.

In the end, I had to go out and buy some more new books. This time the saleswoman dared to offer me a few items that she thought would appeal to me. Only now I noticed how nice she was to me, or maybe to all clients. Nevertheless, the woman surprised me, even more, when she asked me at the cash register if I would like to buy concert tickets.

I listened to her chatter about buying tickets, that her husband broke his leg last week, the concert is tomorrow and now she has a problem with these tickets. It seemed so abstract to me.

But I didn't know what to do, so I just bought these tickets from her. Totally stupid, because I wasn't going to go to this concert anyway. And I definitely didn't need two tickets. But I just agreed.

I came back home and completely forgot about these tickets. I spent the rest of the day reading as usual.

The next day, while eating lunch, I started playing with an envelope lying on the table. It took me a moment to realize that these were the damn tickets. I got one out of boredom and to my surprise, it turned out that it was an orchestra concert at the Royal Festival Hall. Tonight. I wasn't a fan of classic music. I didn't even know what they would play. But maybe it would be good to finally leave the house and do something more interesting than reading.

I still had some time. I decided to clean up the house and then prepare myself to leave.

I didn't want to dress up too much, but I couldn't go out in jeans. So I chose a dark navy suit and a pink pastel shirt. I took a cab and went to the Royal Festival Hall. There were already a lot of people inside. Honestly, I felt a little out of place. Most people were here with friends or partners. And I didn't know what to do with myself. Fortunately, I could finally enter the hall and take my place. I don't know if these were good places, but I was sitting in the middle row in the front stalls.

In the end, the concert started and I must admit that I quite liked it. I forgot what impression live music could make. At some point, there was a break and a pianist joined the orchestra. At first, I just watched him bow and sit down at the piano. Only when he looked at the audience for the last time my heart stop for a moment. And then he started playing. And the rest of the orchestra joined him. I felt like I was going to run out of oxygen. I could not believe what I see. But I wouldn't forget those eyes. He was here a few meters in front of me. And he looked. He looked like Matt from these dreams.

I couldn't even focus decently on what he was playing. My mind and body tried to get used to the thought that he was real and was so close, almost at my fingertips.

It was exciting and scary at the same time. He was here, but he could disappear at any moment.

Why were we here at the same time in the same place? What were the chances that I'd just be able to see him again?

There was chaos in my head. Panic increases with every minute. My mind created many scenarios and fantasies in my head. But, I felt it wouldn't work.

I didn't hold back myself all this time to waste it all now. It was just a coincidence that we were in the same place at the moment. After the concert, I will just leave. I will leave and forget. Yes, that's what I will do.

Now I can enjoy this moment for a while, while he is still here. And watching his elegant and shapely movements was something extraordinary.

Unfortunately, the time passed quickly and before I realized the concert was coming to an end. Matt finished his part and got up from the piano to bow again. It seemed to me that our eyes met for a moment. That he recognized me. But it could just be my wild imagination. I didn't notice him look at me again.

After finishing, people started to separate slowly. I was one of the last to leave the hall.

In the lobby, there was still a mess and a lot of people. I just wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. I just had to.

I barely squeezed through a group of people, practically running to the exit. I almost ran into some older couple. I had to look crazy. When I finally stood outside the concert hall, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. The air was still warm and comforting. I act like a fucking lunatic. I have to catch a cab and get home quickly.

I only walked a few steps when someone grabbed my arm. I almost got a heart attack again. But definitely my legs turned into cotton candy when it turned out it was Matt.

My first reaction was just a silly giggle. Charming. But I didn't know what to say. I was almost certain that I forgot at the moment how to even speak. Anyway, I wouldn't even know what to say.

And he was standing in front of me now. Slightly breathless. And definitely stunned just like me.

"I had to make sure I wasn't hallucinating." He said very quickly. "I thought I saw you in the audience and..."

Suddenly I felt an adrenaline rush. He was here.

Before I knew what I was doing, I approached him and simply kissed him. Just like that. And only then did I realize what I had done. My heart started beating so fast, I was afraid it will pop out soon.

Matt didn't react so I quickly pulled my lips away from his.

He looked at me completely shocked. I think I just made a terrible mistake.

"Forgive me, I ..." I murmured, not knowing how to explain it.

All these months I told myself Matt wasn't for me. That we'll never see each other again. That it was all just a fleeting dream.

Now that I saw him, all my feelings became intense again. Everything I tried to forget came back. And I lost control of what I was doing.

"All right, I just didn't expect it ..." he said in a shaky voice.

Of course, he didn't expect it! Nobody expected it, you stupid idiot.

"Me neither. I'm sorry..."

He nodded and bit his lower lip. I just sighed at this sight.

"Well, maybe we could talk first?" he said shyly.

His proposition completely puzzled me. But now I felt that I definitely needed to talk to him.

"Yes, that sounds great." I agreed.

"Well, so can we go back inside? I think most of the people from the orchestra has already left the backstage."

It seemed strange to me that he didn't want to go to a cafe or something. But maybe he didn't want to show up in public with me.

However, I didn't have a problem with this. Together we returned to the philharmonic hall, most people have already left. Matt led us to the backstage and then to a room that seemed to be a dressing room.

It was quite cozy here, there was a red velour sofa crammed against one of the walls. And we just sat on it, keeping a distance from ourselves.

Suddenly I became so shy. Matt looked so elegant and intimidating in his tuxedo. He looked like a completely different person than I remembered. He looked so good and healthy.

It was strange that I didn't have to worry about what we were doing or what we were saying now. Nothing limited us, and at the same time, it was hard to start somewhere.

"It was a great concert, it was nice that I could see you playing the piano again. Although I came here by accident. I'm glad I came here." I said, partly avoiding his eyesight.

Matt smiled shyly.

"I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again. I wasn't sure..."

Suddenly the smile disappeared from his face.

I think we both began to be too aware of the presence of this pink elephant in the room. I swallowed nervously.

"Fuck this. I didn't even know if you were still alive. I don't know how I am still alive." he said moved.

It was hard for me to hear these words. It was hard to believe that he was thinking of me at all during that time.

"But you are alive. You work as a pianist again… Have you regained your old life?" I asked, hoping that he was doing fine…

Matt hesitated for a moment.

"Yes... I have partly regained my old life. I was surprised... I was more than surprised." he answered strangely uncertain.

It was good that he regained his old life. I wanted him to regain what he had lost. But was he happy with it? He looked like he was worried about something. Was it because of me? Was he in trouble again? I couldn't understand it. So I just decided to ask.

"So you are happy now? I mean, you are now satisfied with what you have? I know that you had a rather decent life before all this. Sometimes I even wondered how you got there. Why did you risk your own life... "

Matt laughed bitterly.

"I don't know, apparently that life wasn't enough for me. I loved my job, I love my job. I was just missing something so I tried to fill this void... with these people it was easier. We had this stupid idea. Together, we supported our madness. We forced all these things into ourselves. I thought we were doing something good together. But apparently I crossed the line. And I paid for this. " he looked the other way to avoid my eyes. "But since then I haven't contacted them anymore. I know that they set me up. I thought we were friends who would discover secrets and free humanity. But they didn't care. They were just looking for attention."

I was sorry that Matt had to go through this. It seemed that he wanted to do something good, and it resulted in a total disaster. I didn't want to ask him for details. It belonged to the past.

"How did you convince them to let me go? " he asked after a while.

I had a feeling he would ask this question.

"Well, in the end, it all comes down to money and profit." I sighed, I didn't know how much I should tell him. "I had to take part in the last project and give up my patent rights. Give up profit shares for this final 'product'… Maybe they wanted to show me how much money I could still gain by working for them. They knew that I would leave so they wanted to use me as much as they could. In a sense, you have become a bargaining chip."

An unpleasant shiver went through me, just from mentioning it.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all this, partly because of me..." he said, looking me in the eyes again.

"It looks like we're both sorry. But no, it's not your fault. It's only the fault of our stupid decisions. I knew what I was getting into… I guess."

"So you say you wanted to leave. But why? I thought you enjoyed this job." he asked suddenly.

I don't know if I was ready for this question. Contrary to appearances, the answer was not so simple and clear. Although, maybe the answer was easy. It was just harder to say it out loud.

"Yes, I liked it, but I wanted to leave because of you. I mean, not because of you… But you pushed me to open my eyes. It’s funny, I also lacked something, but I thought that this work would fill all the emptiness. But of course, this didn’t happen because… with each passing day I became more and more empty until I stopped feeling anything. I think at one point I took out my soul and I put it in a test tube and locked it in the lab's freezer. It's easier to be dead than alive… It is easier to justify all evil and immoral deeds when you feel nothing." I finished, whispering.

I felt completely naked. But with Matt, it was so easy to talk about these difficult things. It was as easy as breathing. And I saw in his eyes that he understood.

"This is so unbelievable."

"What exactly?"

Matt closed his eyes intensely thinking about something. I was afraid of what he might say.

"That after all this, I still… I still feel this way… And It's difficult to explain it in any other way…"

Before he finished his thought, he suddenly approached me, grabbed my jaw, and pulled me until our lips met. For a moment I froze in terror. I definitely wasn't expecting that again.

My brain screamed that I had to think about it. But fuck, do you really have to? At this point, there was nothing more important.

I felt like I was in some dream again, but his smell was so vivid, his body warm. He was more real than ever before. It wasn't a dream.

We both started greedily attacking our lips. My hands quickly went to his back to embrace him tightly. We almost fell off the sofa. But Matt tucked his fingers into my hair again. I felt his breath on my cheek and a quiet whisper.

"I come apart, and you keep me together… "

At the sound of these words, a shiver went through me. Because I literally understood what he meant. Before I felt like I was just pieces of different parts, with him I became a whole.

It felt so natural meeting his lips in a gentle kiss. Tenderness, in every touch. And his tongue tasted surprisingly like champagne.

And our fate was in our hands. I felt that I could do anything with him.

Looking into his blue eyes, I couldn't believe how beautiful they were. I no longer saw sadness and fear in them. I saw in them something inexplicably purifying.

I didn't feel like a dead star. I felt like I was putting my soul back in the right place. I was full of hope. I was so happy I didn't lose him. I was happy that we didn't lose each other. I was happy that I found him in the woods. I was happy that he found me in the lab.

After a few longer moment we were able to break away from each other. Still hugged to each other. I rested my chin on his shoulder and whispered;

"Never let me go. I was looking for a breath of life. And you are the best I've ever had."

Matt gave me that look full of understanding.

"I have no intention of leaving you. I want to know how beautiful your inside can be. I feel that our story has just begun."


End file.
